State data: Domestic violence against women rising on LI

Domestic violence against women is on the rise on Long Island, which victim advocates said highlights the need to recognize early signs of abuse before threats potentially turn deadly.

Data shows in 2023, police received 5,024 reports of women being abused by an intimate partner on Long Island, a nearly 42% surge since 2019, when there were 3,540 such cases reported, according to the New York State Division of Criminal Justice Services.

The statistics, based on data the state collects from police agencies, also show the number of all reported domestic violence incidents has gone up on Long Island, reaching 10,312 incidents in 2023, a figure that has been growing since 2019, when there were 7,763 cases.

Incidents of domestic violence — which experts said disproportionately affects women — increased globally during pandemic lockdown measures, according to studies including a 2021 report in the Journal of Criminal Justice.

Additional stressors that arose then — including financial issues and mental health challenges — may have escalated existing abuse and contributed to the increase in incidents since then, according to Bridget Mantello, director of development at The Safe Center LI, a Bethpage-based nonprofit that helps domestic violence victims.

Kelli Owens, executive director of the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, said domestic violence often is underreported and an increase in reporting of incidents also could help explain the rising numbers on Long Island.

Two Long Island victim service agencies said they're experiencing an increase in hotline calls.

Officials at ECLI-VIBES in Islandia, a nonprofit created to support abuse victims, said its 24-hour hotline has been getting an average 4,501 calls annually since 2022, up from 2,463 calls in 2019.

The hotline at The Safe Center LI got 2,108 calls from the beginning of January 2023 through early August of that year, compared with 2,879 in the same period this year, according to the agency.

Avoiding 'a crisis point'

Last month, the Office for Prevention of Domestic Violence and Division of Criminal Justice Services organized their first summit focused on helping law enforcement officials, attorneys, social services staff and other professionals identify risks of lethality in abuse cases.

A victim leaving or ending a relationship creates the biggest risk of serious injury or death, according to experts, who said that's why it's important to recognize the early warning signs, which may not involve any physical violence.

Early signs involve the abuser exerting power and control over the victim, which can include verbal insults, shaming and manipulation, along with controlling cell phones, digital accounts and finances, advocates for domestic violence victims said.

"If somebody wants to exert power and control over you, if they want to control your money, if they want to control your cell phone, if they are isolating you from people who care about you, those are signs ... of an unhealthy relationship," Owens said.

She added that interventions on behalf of victims often happen only "when it's reached the level of criminal investigation or criminal action," adding: "That's kind of where we're almost at the point where that's almost too late to do that safety planning because you're already in this hyper-elevated situation."

Victim advocates also stressed it's critical for women to get help before a situation reaches a crisis point. Escalating behaviors might include an abuser hitting or throwing objects, along with threats of suicide or killing. In addition, strangulation attempts, an abuser breaking into a home, committing sexual assault and having access to a gun all put a woman at increased risk of death, according to experts.

"For those individuals who are living in relationships characterized by violence, the research suggests that it's not going to get better. The research suggests that it will likely get worse," said Kristen Dams-O'Connor, a clinical neuropsychologist and director of the Brain Injury Research Center at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai.

'He's leaving today'

Bevin Llanes, 55, of Holbrook, said she wished she had known about danger signs to look for when Kason Parker kept creeping back into her daughter’s life.

Meghan Kiefer was 27 when Parker fatally stabbed her, inflicting 54 knife wounds, on the day in 2021 he was supposed to move out of the Coram home where they had been living for a few months.

Parker, 36, is serving 25 years to life after pleading guilty to second-degree murder in a Suffolk County courtroom last year. 

"My daughter did not expect him to do this. I spoke to her an hour before it happened. She was so happy. She was going shopping," Llanes said. "She said, 'He’s leaving today,' that he had no money or nowhere to go.

"She mentioned he said he wanted to rob a drug store or suicide by cop. But she stood her ground," Llanes said of how her daughter insisted that Parker move out.

There were some red flags throughout their on-again, off-again dating relationship, such as verbal threats, the stealing of money, violence and police intervention, according to Llanes.

But there also was trauma bonding, according to Llanes, a term she said she later learned describes how a domestic violence victim connects to the abuser because of their initial attraction and more. She believes her daughter became connected to Parker because of a cycle between showing affection and displaying a dark side.

Parker was unapologetic at his June 2023 sentencing, saying he would go to prison with his "head held high and his middle finger held even higher," Newsday previously reported.

"I pled guilty not because I feel guilty. I pled guilty after evidence suppression rulings and the fact that I wasn’t given a fair and impartial trial," Parker said in court.

Leaving an abusive relationship is filled with challenges for women because in many cases their partner has made them financially dependent, creating money and housing concerns on top of potential worries about children, child care and fear of physical violence, according to experts including Maja Bergman, an assistant professor of clinical medical psychology at Columbia University Irving Medical Center.

There also are cultural and religious norms around separation from relationships that some women are reluctant to break, according to Dams-O'Connor. 

Victim advocates said it's also important for other people to be aware of red flags that indicate a potential deadly threat is developing even if a woman doesn't want to press criminal charges against her abuser.

"These things happen gradually. It's somebody that you either have a life with or that you've been with for a long time. It's not something that just happens overnight," Mantello said.