Time slows down in an election season crawl
Former president Donald Trump, left, and Vice President Kamala Harris face off during their presidential debate in Philadelphia in September. Credit: The Washington Post/Demetrius Freeman
Time speeds up as you get older. We know it intuitively and can prove it mathematically. One year to a 5-year-old is 20% of their lifetime — and only 2.5% of the lifetime of a 40-year-old and 1.5% for a 70-year-old. Of course, time keeps getting faster.
Except for these last two months. They have been an absolute slog. And it's pretty clear why.
It's the election.
The races — especially the one at the top of every ballot — have become more omnipresent and overbearing as the days trudge by.
The arguments rarely vary. Candidates exchange the same barbs with slight variations of verbiage, from early in the morning until late at night, while commentators parse every policy and pronoun. The cycle of attack-aggrievement-counterattack repeats ad nauseam.
The torment includes the terminology of Armageddon. We're entering the final battle. I'm fighting for you. They're waging war on XYZ.
One of the principal tools of combat is the commercial. The onslaught is relentless, whether on TV or in digital pop-ups. And when it comes on and it's in black-and-white, you know several things instantly. The mood is going to be dark, the voice-over is going to be prosecutorial, the music (if there is any) is going to be ominous or off-key, the images are going to be doctored, and the facts are going to be twisted.
Meanwhile, experts dig deep into the electorate, slicing and dicing the voting public to determine who is leading with which voting faction and which of those factions will be pivotal on Election Day. After months of this analysis, the experts have convinced me that this election will be determined by a couple key voting blocs — whites, Blacks, Latinos, Asians, suburban women, rural men, college graduates, those without a college degree, millennials, Gen Zers, low propensity voters, high propensity voters, childless cat ladies, Haitians, Puerto Ricans, people for whom the economy is the most important issue, people for whom abortion is the most important issue, people for whom immigration is the most important issue, people for whom character is the most important issue, voters who just can't vote for a woman, Republicans who just can't vote for Donald Trump, Jewish voters, Muslim voters, first-time voters, labor union members, small business owners, veterans, and college students.
If you're really paying attention and trying to give your due diligence, time slows to a Groundhog Day crawl. And you're not sure whether to scream like Edvard Munch or whisper like Mr. Kurtz in "Heart of Darkness."
The horror! The horror!
Melodramatic? A tad. But I'm betting that most of us at one point or another has wanted to say: no mas. And I'm betting that most of us did not need this past month, in particular, to make up our minds.
Let's face it: Our elections are problematic. They last too long — nearly everyone else in the world manages to pull off theirs in way less time. They cost too much — an astonishing $8 billion has been spent on this year's races. They're too riven with lies and misinformation to be dignifying. And they leave both sides of our political chasm consumed by the dread you feel when you see no way for the country to prosper under the candidate you do not favor.
Some 70% of the nation is anxious or frustrated — or both — about the presidential election, according to a new poll from The AP-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research. And no one can even look forward to the great exhale immediately after Election Day; the counting is not guaranteed to be done but the agita is sure to continue.
Buckle up for these last few days, when the ads and the angst reach their peak. And if you're in one of those decisive demographic groups, congrats. The election is coming down to you.
Columnist Michael Dobie's opinions are his own.
Michael Dobie is a member of the Newsday editorial board.