We must bring domestic abuse out of the shadows

Ten million people in the United States are physically abused by an intimate partner annually, according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline. To put that in perspective, that means nearly 900,000 Americans will be victimized in October alone, which happens to be Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

It’s a staggering statistic, and one that we cannot afford to ignore.

Our organization's recently released 2023 Impact Report tells an equally grim story. Last year, 5,122 Long Islanders sought us out for help. In response, we provided 48,524 individual services including crisis intervention, advocacy, case management, housing, legal, and counseling, and served 933 children through our Child Advocacy Center, a 3% increase from the previous year. We also spent 432 hours alongside survivors in local emergency rooms through our SAFER (Survivor Advocate For Emergency Response) Program, providing comfort, information, and advocacy in the immediate aftermath of abuse or assault.

Recently, a number of Long Island school districts have settled decades-old lawsuits against teachers who sexually abused students in their care; many others are still in the legal pipeline. Just as bad as the violence against the students was the apparent reluctance of administrators to believe the children when the accusations were made. Multimillion dollar penalties seek less to reward the victim and more to serve as a potent reminder for districts to do better.

Like child abuse, with which it is often co-mingled, domestic violence thrives in secrecy. Too many victims suffer in isolation, either afraid or unable to speak up. Domestic violence, whether against a spouse or partner, affects families, children, and communities. It leaves emotional, physical, and psychological scars that can last a lifetime.

Normalizing conversations about abuse is essential but we still have a long way to go. Decades ago, Americans used to whisper the word "cancer" because it was a conversation to be had in the shadows, away from public awareness. Today, we celebrate those who have fought for their health as "warriors." Similarly, we must shower survivors of abuse with the same celebration of their perseverance and bring the harsh realities of their nightmarish ordeals into the light.

Prevention is critical when it comes to all forms of abuse. Having conversations with your child about boundaries, believing their instincts, and identifying safe and trusted adults to tell if anything makes them uncomfortable are foundational to protecting them. Normalizing conversations about healthy relationship boundaries and recognizing unhealthy and abusive patterns is a critical step to preventing and responding to domestic violence.

Education helps combat all these challenges as well. Public workshops can teach students, teachers, and members of the community to recognize signs of unhealthy and abusive relationships. These subtle red flags - such as acts of aggression, constant undermining and insulting of someone, isolating someone from family and friends, and acting in a controlling manner - often go unnoticed until the situation becomes dire. Education also equips victims to seek help and those around them to support them. Survivors must know they are not alone and that resources are available to help them.

Let’s start with a conversation. Let’s talk about the men, women and children who endure abuse each year. Let’s talk about the lives of people here on Long Island who are impacted every minute. And most importantly, let’s talk about how we can stop the silence and provide the support that survivors need to rebuild their lives.

Because in the face of abuse, silence is not an option.

This guest essay reflects the views of Joshua Hanson, executive director of The Safe Center, which is based in Bethpage.