Vacationing with extended family? 'Don't count on the grandparents to babysit' and other tips

Ask Debbie Barraco, of East Islip, to name one of the best things she’s ever done and the 66-year-old retiree is likely to say this: She vacationed in Jamaica with her husband, their daughter and son-in-law and their two grandchildren.

Multigenerational travel is an opportunity for extended families to bond, say Long Islanders who have done it. They and area travel agents have plenty of advice on how to make such trips as enjoyable as possible for everyone.

"There’s definitely a lot of factors that go into just the preplanning," says Robin Steinberger, a travel agent with Garden City-based ET Family Travel. "Do you want tropics or someplace cold? Are you foodies? Do you want a water park for the kids? A lot of grandparents want a resort with a pickleball court."

Barraco’s biggest piece of advice: Don’t put it off. "Do it while you can. Life is short," she says. Here are more tips on planning for family escapes:

Anoint a point-person. "I’m the one who basically does all the arrangements," says Donna Cetron, 56, a former teacher from Bay Shore, who has spearheaded trips for 20 family members to Jamaica and Costa Rica. She’ll create a group chat specifically for each trip to communicate with everyone.

Consider using a travel agent. "It’s a very complicated thing; you’re dealing with a lot of different moving parts," Maryann Devlin of Atlantic Travel in Mineola says of planning for a group. People could be flying from different cities and be willing to pay for varying levels of hotel rooms and views, she says.

Discuss financial responsibilities in advance. Trips might be international and cost tens of thousands of dollars, or they might be at a local campground for far less. Sometimes grandparents spring for all or part of the trip; they might cover the lodging, but each family pays their own airfare and travel insurance, for instance. If grandchildren are old enough to bring significant others, decide how much that person should contribute.

Don’t wait until you’re there to broach the subject, which is what happened to Sara Feretic, 38, a teacher from Port Jefferson Station, who traveled to Lake George with her husband and their children, her sister-in-law’s family and her mother-in-law and father-in-law. "It got a little awkward at the table," she says, when they were deciding how to split the first dinner check. "I felt really guilty because I wanted to make sure I’m putting in as much as she is. I’m trying to sneak her [my sister-in-law] money and she’s putting it back in my bag." Families could also use an app such as Splitwise that helps determine who owes what to whom.

Try an all-inclusive resort or a cruise. "That seems to be the most popular choice because it’s easy," Devlin says. Children can attend a kids’ club on board, families can do excursions or not, everyone can meet up for dinner daily, Devlin says. There aren’t additional costs unless individual families choose extras.

Rent a house instead of hotel rooms. "This actually works out to be cheaper," says Elisa Irvolino, 53, of Patchogue, who sells window treatments. Her extended family of 10 has rented the same villa in Puerto Plata in the Dominican Republic for five years; it comes with a private pool, a cleaning woman and a chef. She found it on VRBO, she says. They book tours that pick them all up at the house in a van and take them to the beach, amusement areas, and more. "There’s all kinds of day trips you could do," she says.

Be conscious of different generation members’ energy levels. "The youngest ones might need a rest, and the oldest ones might need a rest," says Amy Connor, 63, a drama instructor from Northport. The older generation may also move a little more slowly as they age even further, and families might need to allot extra time for them, says Connor, who has traveled with different combinations of her husband, their three children and her mother to Disney World and to Alaska. Babies and toddlers might require a different sleep schedule.

Don’t force everyone to participate in every activity. On a trip to Alaska, Connor and her daughter wanted to take a helicopter ride to a glacier, but Connor’s mother didn’t want to do it. So, Grandma window shopped in town while the duo took their ride, and everybody was happy.

Don’t assume grandparents want to babysit. "It’s their vacation, too," says Andrea Miller, 37, of West Babylon, who works in insurance. Even if grandparents typically babysit at home, they may not want the same role during a trip; they may want to sit at the campfire and have a glass of wine, Miller says. Her family includes her parents, who are in their 60s, her husband, her sister and her brother-in-law and four children all 5 and younger, and they typically go camping together. Discuss beforehand when and whether they might want to watch the children.

Keep communication open. If something is bothering you, say so, Feretic suggests. "Grandparents want to spoil the grandchildren," she says. Parents might want to tell them, for instance, to ask before they give the kids candy.

Take a family photo. Cetron’s family organizes one every trip, she says. They even hire a professional photographer, and the family coordinates what color clothing they’ll wear. One year it was black and white, another year flower patterns from the females and solid green for the males.

By Beth Whitehouse

beth.whitehouse@newsday.comBethWhitehouse1

Beth Whitehouse writes about families, parenting and great things to do with the kids on Long Island. She’s been a Newsday editor and shared a 1997 Newsday staff Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the crash of TWA Flight 800.