Long Island parents cope with the college send-off

Cynthia Litman just dropped off her first child, Colby, 17, at Texas A&M University in College Station, Texas, and she says she feels like she’s having a "mom-life crisis."

Litman, 49, of Port Washington, jokes that her son going to school in Texas "was not on my Bingo card." Now, she faces adjusting  to life at home without him.

"It’s all still kind of fresh and raw. My whole role as a mom shifted," says Litman, founder of a community events production company, MomTime Events. Parents across Long Island say they are feeling the same as they move their children into dorm rooms near and far and drive — or fly — off, leaving a piece of themselves behind.

Branka Kristic, director of Parent and Family Programs at Hofstra University, says she understands. "I just remember when my first one went away, that gut feeling of missing her," she says. "One stage of your parenting life is over, and you don’t know what to expect. The first weeks will be tough for you emotionally. It does get better."

Here’s advice from experts and other parents on how to ride it out:

CONGRATULATE YOURSELF

You’ve done your job. "That’s what we’re supposed to do, right? We’re supposed to prepare them for their future and then we try our best to keep it together," says Stacey Lora, 49, a vice president of safety and security from Westchester, as she helps set up a dorm room at Adelphi University in Garden City for her first child, Mikayla, 17. The family used to live in Seaford and Mikayla wanted to return to Long Island for college. "It’s just going to take a while to get used to all of it," Lora says.

LEAN ON YOUR SUPPORT GROUP

"I’ve had friends check in on me," says Maria Felix, 46, an attorney from Bethpage who recently dropped off her first child, Damariz Mccrae, 18, at Binghamton University upstate. Bond with other parents going through the same experience, which can feel like grieving, instead of looking to your child to comfort you, parents advise. "Misery loves company," Litman jokes.

HELP THE SIBLINGS

"Some parents may underestimate the impact to younger siblings," Felix says. "They miss their siblings even if they always argued all day or bickered." She’s keeping tabs on her younger child, Giovanni, 17. Alexander Lora, 15, a high school junior, helps his father, Angelo, 49, put together a cart for his sister’s dorm room during move-in-day at Adelphi. "I basically lost my best friend," Alexander says.

GIVE THE STUDENT SPACE

Don’t call or text constantly; try to wait for them to reach out to you. "When we went to orientation, the dean said to us, ‘You may be missing them, you may be despondent, but they need to get acclimated to their lives here,’" says Carolyn Cafiero-Cavanaugh, 49, a single mom from Ronkonkoma who dropped off her older son, Colin, 19, at Providence College in Rhode Island for his freshman year last year. "It’s very hard to wait for that phone call back," Hofstra’s Kristic echoes. But it’s important. "Now is the time for the student to be in the driver’s seat," she says.

DON’T CATASTROPHIZE

"Usually, students call when they’re upset," Kristic tells parents. “‘I had a dispute with my roommate; I got a C on my first paper,’" she says. That doesn’t mean they are constantly unhappy. "They don’t call when they’re having a good time with their friends. They call when they need their parents," she says.

SEND CARE PACKAGES

"My boss gave me this advice: send a care package every week on the same day," says Cafiero-Cavanaugh. So, every Wednesday she made sure she sent her son something during his first year — a pair of socks, a comic book. "It gave me a way to stay involved in his week. And I wanted him to have something just to let him know he was still important in my routine."

HAVE SOME FUN

Do something new for yourself — Cafiero-Cavanaugh tried puppy yoga. "You’re doing yoga but there’s just puppies running amok and it’s hilarious. It’s a fantastic serotonin boost." She got more involved in her church and took on more singing gigs. She and a friend even tried a pole-dancing class, which she called "absolutely horrifying." Her adventures give her something to share when she and Colin talk. "You don’t want them to think that everything stops when they go away, and you don’t want to only talk about school all the time," she says. "You want to make them laugh.’"

EXPLORE HOBBIES

"I’m building an outdoor kitchen at home," says Miguel Marte, 55, a retired New York City police officer who became an empty nester after dropping off his third child, Mark, 18, at Adelphi. "Keep busy. Then your mind goes somewhere else and you’re not thinking about how they’re doing," he says.

RECONNECT WITH A SPOUSE

Jacqueline Marte, 59, also a retired police officer, says she’ll spend more time with Miguel. "I don’t know how that’s going to work. That’s scary," she jokes.

JOIN AN ONLINE COMMUNITY

"A great way to combat sadness and feel involved in your student’s life is to become involved if your university has a parent council," says Stephanie Kepke, 56, a writer from Plainview. She’s president of the Hofstra Parent and Family Council, which meets on Zoom. "We call ourselves a bridge between home and Hofstra." Guest speakers from the university also participate, she says. Kepke is also part of the Ask a Hofstra Parent Facebook group and the University of Massachusetts Family to Family Facebook group. "We have people on there who really want to be helpful," she says.

EMBRACE CAMPUS EVENTS

Arts programs are often open to the public, as are university museums. If you’re close enough to attend, Kepke recommends you do. "To have a familiarity of where your student is going helps a lot," she says. Go to sports events, or even organize watch parties if a sporting event is televised and other parents in your area want to gather. "Maybe you’ll catch a glimpse of your kids, you never know," Kepke says.

DON’T FEEL BAD IF YOU DON’T FEEL BAD

Some parents may be feeling happy that they’ve done their initial parenting job and can now spend more time on themselves. "I’m ecstatic. Are you kidding? First of all, he’s the biggest slob," jokes Michael Rosenfeld, a psychologist from Huntington Station whose youngest child, Dylan, 18, begins at Adelphi this year.

IF YOU DO FEEL VERY BAD, SEEK HELP

In all seriousness, Rosenfeld says if parents find they are really struggling with the separation, they should consider seeking professional help to make the transition to their new parenting role. "It’s normal to be sad," he says. But, "you need to separate from your kid in a healthy way."