How companies should handle grief in the workplace

Returning to work after the death of a loved one can cripple employees’ well-being if companies ignore their needs, which may derail the careers of young professionals and spur them to search for  more accommodating workplaces, according to a 2023 Bankrate survey.

If employers don't handle the situation well, it can hurt a company's ability to recruit, threaten overall productivity, and deflate the morale of other workers.

The issue is intertwined with a broader struggle that companies face when trying to hire and retain employees  younger than 27. That demographic overwhelmingly prefers employers who allow them greater flexibility in general, according to the Bankrate survey.

And after the COVID-19 pandemic that killed more than 10,000 Long Islanders, labor attorney Howard Miller believes the flexibility companies show grieving staffers has become even more important because "the loss was so communal that there’s a greater understanding and [empathy]."

He contends it can make or break employee retention, as well as how the company is perceived by prospective employees.

“[It’s a] changing workforce that is looking for, in general, quality of life issues. How you treat people struggling with loss is part of that quality of life that you’re looking for in that company," said Miller, who works at the Melville-based law firm Bond, Schoeneck & King.

The Bankrate survey found that 78% of Gen Z workers wanted a new job within a year, which is at least 17 percentage points higher than any other generation in the workforce. That’s a pricey prospect for employers who have to pay about twice the cost of a staffer’s salary to replace them, according to a Gallup poll. 

Miller said the turnover was indicative of Gen Z placing more value on things like having the option to work remotely. Bankrate’s survey backs that up, finding that more workplace flexibility was the top priority for young people.

"In terms of trying to engender loyalty and having people want to stay with you and recruiting people, to know you’re a company that actually cares about your employees is a big deal," he said, citing platforms like Glassdoor that allow users to see employee reviews of a business.

Miller was affected  by grief early in his career. His sister was hit by a vehicle  going "80 miles per hour in a 30 zone" while she was home from college, putting her in a coma "for six years until she died in 1993."

"I was a young attorney at the time in my late twenties," he said. "You’re trying to work at a high level, but you have this empty space inside of you and this profound sense of loss. ... Just getting out the door was some days very hard."

Miller was able to take five paid days off when his sister died, which he said was typical of the companies he works with.

But what qualifies for paid bereavement leave is typically too narrow, according to Rashida Sanchez, who represents Connecting Our Paths Eternally, a Roslyn-based nonprofit that offers businesses online workshops and training on grief.

"A lot of people can agree that [most policies] talk about very close family members ... but don't really make way for other significant relationships that people have in their life, like a best friend that has died," she said. "It's important to be more inclusive of different kinds of relationships."

Sanchez also said employers should be "more proactive" in offering help to grieving staffers, rather than forcing workers to ask for accommodations.

She and Miller agree that the most important thing for employers is to avoid rigid policies in favor of more flexible practices. That means allowing remote work, pushing deadlines and reducing the overall workload.

"A lot of organizations do different things [than what] they have on policy because they are aware that someone may need something a little bit different," Sanchez said.

Miller is now 31 years separated from his sister’s death and a partner at his firm who oversees junior attorneys.

His advice for young workers who go through a similar experience — you don’t have to "to prove that you’re invincible."

“[You don’t] have to say, ‘I’m going to take on the most difficult, time-consuming, stressful project right now because I’m going to show that nothing can break me,' ” he said, noting that puts an employee at a higher risk of making a big work error.

"I would accept the accommodations that are offered by the employer, because at the end of the day you’re going to be more productive for the employer and you’re going to be healed. Rushing the grieving process ... is not very helpful."