'Argylle' review: Henry Cavill, Bryce Dallas Howard action comedy never takes off

Few filmmakers have an eye for sartorial style like Matthew Vaughn. He built his “Kingsman” franchise around Colin Firth as a spy who wears a literally killer suit; in “X-Men: First Class,” he dressed his superheroes in Cold War-era polo shirts, leather jackets and half-zipped jumpsuits. If Vaughn hadn’t become a director he might have made a terrific tailor.
Vaughn’s fashion sense falters in “Argylle,” which casts Henry Cavill in the title role, a dashing British agent. He sports a Nehru jacket made of crushed green velvet — more of a villain’s outfit, no? That and his high-brushed flat-top make Argylle a puzzling figure: Is he James Bond, Ernst Blofeld or Johnny Unitas?
All this to say that “Argylle” is about as confused, and confusing, as Argylle’s couture. For starters, Argylle isn’t really a character but the invention of Elly Conway (Bryce Dallas Howard), a bestselling author of spy thrillers. Elly has no yearning for real-life adventure, but it nevertheless finds her in the form of undercover agent Aiden (Sam Rockwell), who buttonholes her on a train to explain that her fiction is so close to the truth that she’s in danger of being assassinated. And while Aiden is not the suavest spy — he wears a floppy hat and forgets to shower — Elly keeps envisioning him as the hunky Argylle of her fantasies.
To say more would be to spoil the twisty-turny plot — and that’s about all “Argylle” has going for it. Written by Jason Fuchs (“Wonder Woman”), this action comedy is an uneven mix of “Romancing the Stone” and Vaughn’s own “Kingsman” films, which were notable for their highly choreographed yet cartoonish action-sequences. There are several of those here, including a slapstick brawl on the aforementioned train and multiple ballets with squadrons of armed bad guys. It all feels overly familiar, but the main problem with “Argylle” is that we never care about the characters.
We almost warm to Aidan thanks to Rockwell’s hangdog charm. Elly, however, is so panicky and irrational — she has a knack for running in exactly the wrong direction — that she quickly gets on our nerves. Burdening her with a cat, Alfie, that she carries in a backpack probably sounded funny on paper; on screen, the animal is a CGI distraction. Vaughn packs his cast with top-notch players, including Bryan Cranston as a rageaholic underworld ringleader, Catherine O’Hara as Elly’s controlling mother and Samuel L. Jackson as — what else? — the sagacious leader of a covert agency, but these roles all feel standard-issue. (Dua Lipa and John Cena are more prevalent on the posters than on the screen.)
Throw in the just-released Beatles single “Now and Then,” which Elly claims as a favorite song from her distant past, and you’ve got one muddled-up movie. One final point: Despite the title, I don’t think we ever get a glimpse of Argylle’s socks.

By Rafer Guzmán

rafer.guzman@newsday.com@raferguzman