'Before' review: Billy Crystal thriller series is a bloody mess

WHAT IT'S ABOUT Eli (Billy Crystal) is a New York psychiatrist who has decided to give up his practice following the tragic death of his wife, Lynn (Judith Light) — until he's presented with one last case that he can't resist. A little boy, Noah (Jacobi Jupe), arrives at his door one night, troubled by terrifying visions. Eli shares some of those visions too, and wonders — reasonably enough — why. Noah's adoptive mother, Denise (Rosie Perez), doesn't know what happened in the kid's past. She just wants a cure. Crystal is also an executive producer of this 10-parter, along with master of horror Eli Roth.

MY SAY After a 50-year career of making them, Billy Crystal certainly doesn't need any advice about role choices — most certainly not from some whippersnapper punk TV critic. A handful of those roles, indisputably one or two, are among the most iconic in film history. Billy knows what Billy's doing. Billy usually does. But why "Before?" For heavens' sakes, Billy, why?

This is his first starring role on a TV series since the late '70s when he was Jodie Dallas (iconic character) in "Soap" (iconic series). Maybe he was just getting tired of being called an "icon." The word is a little inert, after all — the sort of accolade usually reserved for obits or tombstones. Billy's ready for neither. There's still greatness to be achieved, another Emmy or Tony to be scored. He's 76 years young. Billy is going nowhere and we should all be eternally grateful for that.

That doesn't mean we should be grateful for "Before." We shouldn't: It's dreadful.

What went wrong here means pointing fingers at the usual suspects, which seems mean-spirited and churlish. So be it: The story, the acting, the writing, the direction, the music soundtrack and most egregiously the special effects, which seemed to have relied upon a few ChatGPT prompts to evoke monster snake-worms, assorted other slimy/twisty stuff, and gore coming out of walls. There's also enough fake blood to make the props master (or cleaning crew) weep.

Crystal is miscast too, even though he's played a shrink before, in "Analyze This" and "That." He knows how to channel his inner Herr Doktor Freud, but channel it comedically. Horror, even bad horror — which as horror fans well know can be hilarious, unintentionally so — is not really his bag. For example, when one of those fake worms starts to bug him, you reflexively expect his inner Buddy Young Jr. ("Take my mother-in-law ... please."). Instead, you get lines such as "it's like an extreme case of transference [and] dreams bleeding into dreams." (Oy, enough with the blood already.)

Light — terrific in just about anything she does — is memorable here too, but mostly for all the wrong reasons. Her character is part of a genuinely touching subplot, and she effortlessly steals a few of her scenes, even those confined to a bathtub that appears to have been filled with tea (the brown color is supposed to be blood, but apparently there wasn't enough left over). Otherwise, her sanguineous ghost lurks behind Crystal's Eli, staring balefully at him, as if she wants to punch him out. Small wonder why.

"Before" seems to have been inspired by the M. Night Shyamalan classic "The 6th Sense," about the dead therapist and the boy who can see him. At least "Before" had the decency to come up with a different ending. It's the beginning and everything in between that's the problem.

BOTTOM LINE Would-be psychological thriller that's 100 proof malarkey.