Gibson, Tiffany in 'Mega Python vs. Gatoroid'

Merrick-raised Gibson ("Only in My Dreams") plays an environmental activist who stages snake jailbreaks, with fetish-y close-ups of reptiles wriggling to freedom in the nearby Everglades.

Tiffany ("I Think We're Alone Now") is the local sheriff who freaks when freed pythons mutate into jumbo monsters and devour living things, including some close to her heart. She decides to pump up local gators with nasty 'roids even football players won't take. Before you can say "food fight," giant gators and colossal pythons run amok, upchucking various body parts of various species.

The movie seems most concerned about a dog named Bubba.

MY SAY "The snakes . . . they ruin everything!" whines Tiffany, now 39, and still as overmatched here as she was in her '80s rivalry with music multithreat Gibson. "You are gonna get it, you gator-baiting -- !" shrieks Gibson, 40, in just one of many lip-smacking B-movie rants. (Guess all that Broadway experience pays off.)

Director Mary Lambert knows how to make schlock ("Pet Sematary"). She hires veteran actors who take character parts seriously: Kathryn Joosten as the requisite sheriff's right hand, A Martinez as the exotic/ethnic expert called in to consult. They ground the story so the leads can mock their own song titles and have set-destroying girlfights. As monster goo spews all over town (there's way more goo than satisfying monster effects), beer bottles and tampons become lethal weapons. And, yes, a nuclear reactor is at risk. Unfortunately, Monkees icon Micky Dolenz (in a cameo as himself) does not sing.

BOTTOM LINE The movie's terrible. You wanted different? Just be grateful Eric Balfour ("Dinoshark") isn't in it.

GRADE C+