Super Bowl winners & losers: commercials

A super night for Super Bowl advertising? Not really, but there were enough smart, funny, diverting, clever and unique ads to make our Top 5 list. (More than enough lousy ones to make our bottom five, too.)

Quickly, let's define terms here. What's "good" in this context? Well, the commercial grabs your attention, tells a story, then makes you laugh (or makes you think) in the space of 30 or 60 little seconds. This isn't about hard sell; it's about hard (and fast) entertainment.

Here are the best five, in ascending order:

5. Bridgestone

Oh, fine, what does a guy who frantically demolishes the evidence of his wayward and potentially life-ruining e-mail have to do with tires? Not sure, and don't really care. The punchline: He never hit the reply-all button as he'd feared.

4. Snickers

Why is Richard Lewis working at a lumber camp? Why is Roseanne? Absurdity piled on absurdity, and a punchline - in the form of a log - right in the gut, or Roseanne's.

3. Volkswagen

Plenty of pre-game circulation around the web robbed this elegant and just-about-perfect story of the kid with out-of-this-universe powers because over a million had already seen it; those 99 million that hadn't may have liked it as much as I did.

2. Chevy Silverado

"I didn't even know this town had a volcano. . . ." "Where did he get a balloon?" "How did you get trapped in the belly of a whale . . ." And a whale of an ad. Not one punchline, but five, each preceded by CGI mini-masterpieces.

1. Chrysler

This is best of game, for a few reasons, but starting with one - Eminem, shadowed by the hard punching chords of "Lose Yourself," and his insolent voice-over telling viewers "our story isn't written in the papers . . ." This is an ad? Or Detroit manifesto? Or follow it to the hard grit-in-your teeth conclusion, with this winning tag: "Imported from Detroit." Take THAT, Mercedes.

And the bottom:

5. Doritos

Crash the Super Bowl. What is it about one guy licking another guy's fingers? Oh, right: It's repulsive.

4. Pepsi Max

Shot to the crotch with a flying can. Enough said. Probably too much said.

3. Chevy Cruze/Facebook

Social media was big at Super Bowl XLV, but a car that tells you about Facebook status updates? Puh-leeze. (How is it on gas?)

2. Kim Kardashian, for Skechers

Did anyone actually have high expectations for this? If they did, then my condolences.

1. Teleflora

Maximal buzzkill in the span of 30 seconds - Faith Hill bantering with a boob who texts, or e-mails, (or who cares) the first thing that pops into his head about his girlfriend.

Watch all of the Super Bowl commercials here.