'Unfrosted' review: Jerry Seinfeld's manic, overblown Pop-Tarts origin story

WHAT IT'S ABOUT In 1963, Kellogg's chief executive, Edsel Kellogg III (Jim Gaffigan), tells a top executive, Bob Cabana (Jerry Seinfeld), to create a stuffed breakfast pastry after he learns his archrival at Post Cereals (Amy Schumer) is about to launch one. The Pop-Tart wars have begun. Soon, the milk and sugar industries are embroiled, and the White House too. This fictitious, comic re-imagining of the battle — directed by Seinfeld — features a cavalcade of stars (and cameos), including Melissa McCarthy (who plays Stan, Kellogg's product designer), Bill Burr (JFK), and Peter Dinklage (milk industry capo).

MY SAY As everyone knows or should, Seinfeld is a hardcore cereal man and so the existential, or at least comic, ramifications of Pop-Tarts presented themselves early on to him. He workshopped his famous joke 13 or so years ago, got it into his act, then moved on to other irritants. But there was something about Pop-Tarts he couldn't get out of his head (“They can't go stale because they were never fresh”). And so, like all obsessives with a huge budget — in fact, spending as much of that budget as humanly possible appears to have been the objective — he made a movie.

A fun fact about Pop-Tarts that you'll learn from “Unfrosted:'' They didn't have frosting at first. Who knew! Jerry did. The frosting made them catch fire in the toaster, and until the engineers at Kellogg's figured out a way to make noncombustible frosting (without asbestos), they went au naturel.

Another fun fact: Post beat Kellogg's to market with its own version called “Country Squares.” Doomed by that name alone, they were the New Coke of the day. Pop-Tarts never looked back, while Marjorie Merriweather Post (as “Unfrosted” reminds us) went on to build Mar-a-Lago.

As a live-action cartoon, “Unfrosted” gets a lot of mileage out of all this (that's what cartoons do). But as a live-action movie? Another matter altogether. In fact, rather than as movie or cartoon, think of “Unfrosted” as 10 comedians — mostly A-listers — all on stage, with 90 minutes to fill, and each starts by telling jokes about Pop-Tarts. Some actually score, or in the lingua of “Unfrosted,” some snap, some crackle and some pop — not “pop” in a good way, either, but like the balloon that drifts too close to the candle. As plots go, “Unfrosted” is bound not so much by logic (as if) as by puns, sight gags and shtick. It's packed with those — a veritable exercise in notebook-disgorging, where no joke goes unused, no obvious one anyway, and they fly by so fast that you'll have to hit the rewind to hear some. You'll be rewarded on occasion, more often not.

Seinfeld got the idea for this during the pandemic. Nostalgia was in the air, and so was “Barbie,” which was nearing completion. “Unfrosted” almost feels like the companion movie — same chirpy retro vibe, same '60s dayglo aesthetic. Major corporation. Legacy brand. Through-the-looking-glass comic treatment based on one joke (What if an iconic toy was human? What if Tony the Tiger — played by Hugh Grant — was?)

Yes, sure (why not!), you will sporadically enjoy watching Tony and the one or two other jokes stretched out over 87 minutes, but you will also glance at the clock to wonder, Is there really 50 minutes to go? There is one absolutely priceless cameo — no spoilers, but it involves a classic show — which almost makes this whole, manic, overblown exercise worthwhile.

Almost. Not quite. You're on your own from here, friend. Get the popcorn ready.

BOTTOM LINE Too much sugar and crust, not enough filling (like the Pop-Tart) — but some funny bits and cameos.