'Zombie Apocalypse' review: Dumb doc

THE SHOW "Zombie Apocalypse"

WHEN | WHERE Tuesday night at 10 on Discovery

WHAT IT'S ABOUT A deranged man attacked a homeless person in Florida a year or so ago, and -- presto -- an army (and they are an armed army) of "zombie preppers" had Exhibit A in support of their worst nightmare. That would be a looming zombie apocalypse. Humans -- if not actually arising from the grave but infected with some sort of highly infelicitous disease, most likely created by the government -- turn into the walking dead, and begin to eat the living. (Of course, doomsday, per the Mayan calendar is Dec. 21.)

"Scientists have started to believe the unbelievable," the program states. A few of those "scientists" are interviewed -- actually, professors who have used zombie metaphors to enliven their texts and classrooms. Preppers ponder the momentous decisions they will have to make when the zombies converge. For example, what to eat (cat food is preferred by one) or where to get the best of sightline when the walkers arrive.

MY SAY One of the "experts" quoted here is in fact a respected scholar in foreign policy at Tufts who has written widely on zombies, though largely as metaphors for chaos in world markets and how people adapt. In an email, I asked Dan Drezner about the program, and he responded that a book he had written on the subject was "intended to be funny [but] one of the points I make is that fears about zombie apocalypses are exaggerated because people underestimate the adaptability of humans." He added, "I have no idea if that got in or not."

Sorry, professor -- it did not get in, and the documentary is not funny.

Well, it is funny -- just unintentionally so. "Zombie Apocalypse" is hilariously awful, as bad, sordid, silly and foolish as you can possibly imagine. The fake zombies aren't even that compelling. But it's also scary, because some of these preppers are locked and loaded, and after the events of last week, few things could conceivably be more frightening -- including a real zombie apocalypse.

SEE PHOTOSZombies in TV and movies

BOTTOM LINE Profoundly idiotic.

GRADE F