Smash cake, gender reveal and babymoons: How Long Island parents celebrate new babies

When Debra Semken’s grown daughter was pregnant with her first baby in 2021, Semken, 62, of Holbrook, found herself taken aback by the things her daughter was doing to celebrate the impending birth — a maternity photo shoot, a gender reveal party, a babymoon.

“Everything’s so different,” says Semken, from when she gave birth to Alyssa Kelly of Medford, now 31. Says Kelly: “When it came to anything I wanted to do for the baby she was like, ‘We didn’t do that, that’s crazy.’”

But Semken says her skepticism has since turned to embracing the new trends in parenthood. “If I was living in this generation, I would do it all,” she says now.

What is “it all” exactly? Here are seven things parents-to-be and new parents do nowadays that were rare or unheard of a generation ago:

GENDER REVEAL PARTY

WHAT IT IS A friend or family member finds out the gender of the child and keeps it secret until the party, where the parents-to-be are surprised, along with their guests, to learn if the baby is a boy or girl.

A GENERATION AGO Parents might find out during an ultrasound an OB-GYN office or wait until birth to learn the baby’s gender.

NOW Halloween was the theme of the gender reveal hosted by Erika Ramírez, 35, a photographer, and Roland Carlone, 40, an electrician, of Lindenhurst, on Oct. 31, 2021. They dressed in costume and their baby’s gender was revealed as pink smoke rising from a witch’s cauldron. Other Long Islanders may employ themes corresponding to the parents’ interests. Kelly and her husband, James, a supervisor for a sheet metal company, had a hockey-themed gender reveal for both Ellaina and their second daughter, Rosalia, during which they found out their babies’ gender as they whacked a hockey puck that exploded with pink powder.

Ijah Wilson,  30, who works in customer service, and Kevin Blunt, 38, a realtor, who lives in Bay Shore, had their gender reveal for their son Kal-El, now 9 months old, at the shooting range in Calverton, where Blunt aimed at a target. “For my son, I was so sick, and the old wives’ tale says if you’re very sick chances are you were having a girl. When that thing popped blue, we were so surprised,” Wilson says. “People at the range realized what we were doing and it turned into a party, it turned into a whole big thing where the range was celebrating with us.”

When Wilson herself was born a generation ago, her legs were closed during the ultrasound and her own mother thought she was going to be a boy and decorated the nursery in blue. Says her mother, Karlene Blair, 54, “I told myself I’m going to have a boy, just a feeling.” Nowadays, couples can be almost certain of gender with a blood test; that’s what Wilson relied on, she says. “I did the test at 12 weeks,” Wilson says. “I don’t have that patience to wait.”

BABYMOON

WHAT IT IS Couples take a honeymoon-style trip for one last chance to be alone before baby is born.

A GENERATION AGO There was no such term that granted couples an excuse to travel.

NOW Nicolette Nappi-Franzone, 28, who lives in Astoria and teaches at St. Joseph’s University in Patchogue, and her husband Michael Franzone, 30, an engineer, took a babymoon to a Sandal’s Resort in the Bahamas when she was six months pregnant. “It was a really nice last getaway,” she says.

The Kellys traveled to Arizona, where they did a helicopter ride over the red rocks of Sedona. “It was super romantic,” Alyssa Kelly says. “We have not been on a trip since. It’s nice that we have that last memory of what it was like, just the two of us.”

SPRINKLE

WHAT IT IS A scaled-down baby shower thrown for a second or subsequent baby.

A GENERATION AGO Showers were only thrown for the first baby; subsequent babies used the hand-me-downs.

NOW Vanessa Costa, 33, a stay-at-home mother from Levittown, had a sprinkle for her second baby, due this month. The shower for her first child was thrown in her parents’ backyard, and included traditions such as “shower games, the whole thing,” Costa says. For the sprinkle, fewer people were invited, and it took place as an open house at the home of Costa and her husband Nick, 34, an accountant, so people could drop in throughout an afternoon for finger food and desserts. Some people register for sprinkle gifts, others don’t, Costa says. She registered because her first child, Lorelai, 2, is a girl, and she knew her second was going to be a boy. Or guests might just bring gifts of diapers or wipes, she says.

PUSH PRESENT

WHAT IT IS A gift that the new father gives to the new mother to thank her for her hard work during pregnancy and labor.

A GENERATION AGO Perhaps the new parents got a fancy dinner served to them at the hospital, if their hospital offered that.

NOW Andrew Harris, 36, of Stony Brook, who works in cybersecurity, did not plan to give his wife, Meghan, 36, a nurse, a push present. Says Meghan: “He kind of thought the whole thing was ridiculous.” Then he watched her go through labor to give birth to their daughter, Payton. “My water broke, the baby’s heart rate was going down, when it was time to push, they had to vacuum suction; she had a fever when delivered. The whole thing was very traumatizing,” Meghan says. Says Andrew: “I figured I need to revisit that decision.” He picked out a ring for Meghan, a diamond and red sapphire band.

Ramírez asked Carlone to gift her a push present she could wear now and then pass down to their daughter when she is older. They chose a white-gold necklace with Emilia Marie’s name on it, along with her birthstone sandwiched between the birthstones of Ramírez’s grandparents, for whom Emilia Marie is named. Ramírez says it symbolizes Emilia’s namesakes protecting her from heaven. “I really wanted something meaningful that one day she could keep,” Ramírez says.

Not all push presents are jewelry. Nappi-Franzone’s husband gave her a Louis Vuitton designer bag after her C-section to have their daughter Fiarenza. Kiersten DiCarluccio, 29, of Rocky Point, a nurse for a pediatric practice, says she was gifted a high-end Dyson hairdryer after the birth of her second child. "No sentimental value, but it is appreciated as I use it frequently," DiCarluccio says.

FACEBOOK PARENTING GROUPS

WHAT THEY ARE Groups created on Facebook to cater to a niche of new moms, often catering to moms in a certain geographic location or by the baby’s age.

A GENERATION AGO What’s Facebook? Isn’t that the book you got as a college freshman to see photos of classmates?

NOW Yvonne Byrnes, 35, of Setauket, the former director of a preschool and day care center who is now a stay-at-home mom, started relying on Facebook parenting groups when she was pregnant with George, now 20 months old. “I joined one about what to expect when my child was born,” she says; all the members were due at the same time. “I got all my advice from other women going through the same steps.” Later she was part of a local moms’ group in Smithtown that she administered with her mother (that group is not currently operating). She has since created a toddler group called LI Play And Learn in an effort to make friends with other moms of toddlers and organize meetups.

SMASH CAKE

WHAT IT IS Baby is given a miniature birthday cake and allowed to have at it; the messier the baby gets, the more endearing the photos.

A GENERATION AGO Baby may have got to blow out the candle of a birthday cake, but no fingers in the icing; it has to be served to the party guests.

NOW The pinnacle marking first year of parenthood now often includes the baby devouring his or her personal birthday cake in front of a professional photographer. “I kind of wanted to chime in,” says Christina Conley, 32 of Holbrook,  who works for the town of Brookhaven. Conley organized a smash cake photo shoot for her daughter, Olivia, when Olivia turned 1 in February. “She just dug in. She was eating the cake off her toes,” Christina says.

Wilson says she also plans to do a smash cake shoot with Kal-El when he turns one later this year. “It’s pretty popular so I’ll kind of just jump on that boat,” Wilson says. “It’s pretty messy, but it probably is cute.”

PROFESSIONAL MATERNITY PHOTO SHOOTS

WHAT IT IS While pregnant, women pose for professional photographs that feature them on a Long Island beach, in a bathtub filled with milk, or in other creative poses, either with or without the father.

A GENERATION AGO Family snapshots captured pregnancy during day-to-day life.

NOW “With my first, I thought she was going to be my only, so I went all out,” says Kelly, a choreographer and real estate agent who did a milk bath session when she was pregnant with Ellaina. “I had seen the images on Pinterest, and I knew I wanted to recreate them. You fill the tub with water, and you only need a half-gallon of milk. It just gives the cloudy effect.” The framed photos now hang over the tub in her master bathroom.

By Beth Whitehouse

beth.whitehouse@newsday.comBethWhitehouse1

Beth Whitehouse writes about families, parenting and great things to do with the kids on Long Island. She’s been a Newsday editor and shared a 1997 Newsday staff Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the crash of TWA Flight 800.