Friendsgiving tradition inspired podcast by Plainview-Old Bethpage alumni 

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, nine graduates of Plainview-Old Bethpage John F. Kennedy High School’s class of 1997 walk into Peter Luger Steak House with a ridiculously enormous trophy hoisted above their heads as if they’d just won the Stanley Cup.

This will mark the 20th year the group has gathered at the Brooklyn restaurant for their annual Friendsgiving dinner, during which they also award one of their own a Man of the Year designation that gives them the right to add their name on a trophy plaque.

This year the group might need to declare a tie, as it also marks the first anniversary of a podcast started and hosted by two of the friends — Aaron Karo and Matt Ritter, who met in second grade at Plainview’s Jamaica Avenue School and are now both 44 years old, working as screenwriters and comedians and living in Los Angeles. Karo’s parents still live in the house he grew up in, in Plainview; Ritter spends summers renting in Sag Harbor near his siblings and mother, and both men will be spending this Thanksgiving Day with their families on Long Island.

Their podcast, which they call — not surprisingly — Man of the Year, is inspired by their long-standing bond with their childhood buddies and the need for male friendship. “We had this feeling that … men especially were really struggling with loneliness and friendship in adulthood. We realized that was the one thing we have done really, really well,” Ritter says. The 35-minute podcast airs every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple and has been mentioned nationally in The New York Times and on the “Today” show. The duo has proclaimed themselves “friendship experts” and they are also working on a self-help book to advise men on optimizing their friendships.

MORE THAN THE BALLGAME

The need for deeper male friendship is real, says Don Sinkfield, vice president of The New Hope Mental Health Counseling Services in Valley Stream. Men tend to get together for prescribed events, such as watching a ballgame. “Watching the game together can mean very little talk except commenting on the game and comments about what food will be served the day of the game. There really is not a tendency for guys to get together for more intimate things or for talking that goes beyond the surface,” Sinkfield says.

That’s what Karo, Ritter and their crew try to do at their annual Friendsgiving, and what they urge their podcast listeners to do on a regular basis. The Man of the Year trophy competition is just the catalyst to get the men to be vulnerable, they say. They start by going around the table and talking about their jobs, families and events of the past year. “When my dad passed away, I cried at the table that year,” Ritter says.

“For us, the secret sauce has been tradition and rituals, and that’s what we try to encourage other guys to do as well,” Karo says. Theirs keeps their friendships in the forefront since only one of the nine currently lives on Long Island. “The other 364 days of the year, we’re obviously talking about the Man of the Year dinner and the trophy and who is in the lead,” he says.

FRIEND AS A VERB

Karo and Ritter use “friending” as a verb on their podcast. “Friendship is an active pursuit. It is a relationship that requires work,” Karo says.

Ritter adds: “Men were kind of sold this idea that if they got a good house, marriage, kids, they had everything they need to be content. They weren’t taught to prioritize friendships the way women were.”

On the podcast, the men urge other men to find “a third place” in addition to home and work. “It could be the gym, it could be your local coffee shop,” Ritter says.

“Dog park, place of worship,” interjects Karo.

Their podcast guests have included Phil Rosenthal, the creator, writer and executive producer of the TV sitcom “Everybody Loves Raymond” and Beth Berger, the vice president and general manager of Bumble BFF. They do a segment called “Asking for a Friend,” during which listeners call in for advice.

“We get a lot of questions about friendship and money. It’s probably our number one topic,” Karo says. Friends will be going on a trip and not everyone is at the same income level. “If you have to drop down to a lesser hotel or pick up a couple of tabs, you never leave someone behind,” Karo says they advise.

Ritter and Karo say they want to lobby to make Friendsgiving a national holiday. There’s Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Grandparents’ Day. “Why is this the only relationship that doesn’t have a holiday?” Karo asks.

When would it fall? Well, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, of course, they say.

By Beth Whitehouse

beth.whitehouse@newsday.comBethWhitehouse1

Beth Whitehouse writes about families, parenting and great things to do with the kids on Long Island. She’s been a Newsday editor and shared a 1997 Newsday staff Pulitzer Prize for coverage of the crash of TWA Flight 800.