Who pays for the wedding? These Long Island millennial couples are picking up the tab

The word is out: Newlyweds are getting older. According to wedding resource The Knot’s "Real Wedding Study," the average age of marriage in America today is 32. This in contrast to the median age in the 1970s when, for men, it was 23, and, for women, 21.

And local industry experts say that with age often comes responsibility for the bill at your own big gig.

So says Victoria Scotto, sales director at The Fox Hollow, an events venue in Woodbury. "Most of my older couples are paying for their weddings themselves. They’re really smart nowadays. Sometimes they’re buying their homes first and then getting married," she says. "Some are living with parents and that’s how they’re saving for the wedding or they’re open to different dates such as weekdays and mornings."

Photographer Danny Pham, who specializes in weddings and runs the Facebook wedding help group Long Island Brides-To-Be, has seen an upward shift in his clients’ ages. "Some couples put their careers first or want to live together before they get married," he explains.

He estimates that some 90% of his older clients finance their own event.

And, sometimes, control is at the heart of it, suggests celebrity events planner Michael Russo, of Michael Russo Events in Cold Spring Harbor. "Thirty-plus types are definitely paying for their own weddings because it totally takes away anybody else’s involvement in their decision making."

No matter what age, traditional wedding protocol has changed drastically over time. "Years ago, there were more hard and fast rules on who paid for what," notes Karyn LoCiero, owner of Karyn Michael Events in Massapequa. "The norm was the bride paid for the bells," she says, referring to the bulk of the wedding. "And the groom paid for the whistles," indicating rehearsal dinners, bands and sometimes flowers. "Now that’s all out the window."

Indeed, agrees Lizzie Post, the great-great-granddaughter of etiquette expert Emily Post. "For the last 20 years, our advice has been to have a candid conversation with people about finances," Post says. "No couple should go into planning a wedding expecting anybody to pay for it but themselves. Anything you do get is a joy, a gift and a blessing."

And that’s just fine for some Long Island couples; these a bit older, who have taken on their celebrations with delight and some pretty intense saving strategies. 

With only six months from engagement to wedding, Pickett has focused so ferociously (and successfully) on keeping costs down that she began her own wedding coordinator business "for brides looking for budget-friendly events." (This at emeraldevent.org.) To save, the couple stopped random clothing shopping and going out to dinner. "We made date nights at home and made them fun," says Pickett.

The biggest ticket was the Vrbo rental ($6,500). Pickett scooped up her husband’s $500 tuxedo on sale for $150, and her own two "beautiful gowns" from last season for $400. A four-course meal from family favorite restaurant, La Novella in East Meadow ($3,000) will be delivered par cooked and a cousin who recently graduated from culinary school will manage plating and getting the meals out hot. Vases, votives and floating candles were purchased at The Dollar Store, with white roses ("the most inexpensive") and cake coming from Costco. The cocktail hour will be catered by Stew Leonard’s. Pickett hunted down 100 champagne glasses on Facebook Marketplace for $60, and she scored her dream gold-plated silverware — priced out at $500 for $137 during Amazon Prime sales.

In retrospect: "I don’t feel like I’m sacrificing at all," says Pickett, who is thoroughly elated about the event, which she calls "bougie on a budget."

She says, "I’m happy we could do this together and I honestly feel it’s not our parents’ responsibility to pay for it. This is our start."

By the time they wed, Kohn and Giaimo will have been saving for their grand affair for almost two years following their engagement. "I grew up in a town on Long Island where the bride’s mother and father were expected to pay, but we’re opting to do this on our own because we can. It is a heavy lift, but we started out talking it through and creating our ‘wedding fund’ account and figuring out what we need versus what we want," says Kohn.

To that end the couple has methodically saved money and created an Excel sheet to keep track of it all. They also moved into an apartment in Giaimo’s parents' home to keep costs down. That said, there will be plenty of flourishes on the big day, including a tequila cart and shots being handed out before the bride walks down the aisle, a photographer who is shooting the wedding in Super 8 film for a classic vintage look, and a band versus a DJ.

Proud planners: Kohn feels great about the couple's saving savvy and being able to foot the bill. "It's like 'Wow, we did that,' " she says. "We feel like we accomplished something doing it on our own." And she adds that having the running room to accumulate assets, "allowed us to enjoy the process of planning instead of being stressed."

Both the bride and groom’s mothers contributed to their nuptials (and they were extremely grateful according to Scura-Mohammed), but most of it was handled by the couple themselves who got engaged 18 months before their wedding. "We used our savings and had a joint ‘wedding account,’ budgeted and set up monthly or quarterly payments," she says.

There were special moments throughout the celebration. Says the bride, "My husband is originally from Trinidad, so I made a big effort to include his culture." To that end, there was a steel-pan drummer during the ceremony and cocktail hour, and as a surprise, Scura-Mohammed hired a Trinidadian troupe to open the dance floor. "They came out and did a seven-minute dance routine customized to his favorite music. Everybody really got into it," she recalls. And there was a bit of humor, too, as the best man and maid of honor entered the party wearing shark costumes (appropriate aquarium garb).

The bride gifted the groom custom Nikes featuring a black, crystal logo swoosh inscribed with the word "hubby," and the date.