Long Island wedding nostalgia: How photography, dress, food trends have changed

We are gathered here today to celebrate the fads, fashions, foods and formalities of Long Island weddings through the decades. And we solemnly swear that signature cocktails, disposable cameras on tables and chocolate fountains have not always been a thing.

"The photographers, we all wore tuxedos," marvels Massapequa’s Tim Ryan, 62, of when he began shooting weddings in 1983. Afterward came regular jackets and ties, and then black, open-neck button-down shirts, he recalls. And while this was as casual as the retired photographer/videographer would get, others eventually down-dressed to polos and T-shirts. "Today," he says, "some of them don't even wear dress shoes. It's weird to me, seeing it go from tuxedos to golf shirts and sneakers. What a complete change."

And far from the only one — grooms don’t always wear tuxedos anymore, either. Bridal gowns went strapless. Reception menus morphed from literal steak and potatoes to choices addressing vegans, vegetarians, pescatarians and those with allergies. Live bands gave way to DJs, in many cases. Wedding videos arrived, went through their two-hour documentary stage and emerged as highlight reels tailored to social media.

There have always been nontraditional weddings, too, of course, from barefoot and tie-dyed in the woods to couples dressed as Princess Leia and Han Solo. And many people forgo a big to-do in favor of a simple civil ceremony. But for traditionalists, whether opposite-sex or same-sex, the customs of a time reveal the expectations of an era.

In 1972, "prime rib was the normal thing" to serve at the reception dinner, remembers Joyce Oehler-Ey, 73, originally of Massapequa and who now splits her time between Holbrook and South Carolina with her husband, Doug Ey, 73. "You'd go to the Huntington Town House or the Narragansett Inn; it was always prime rib." While an obliging caterer might informally rustle up a plate of vegetables or the like for those on restricted diets, the parents throwing the wedding "picked what they wanted to serve and that was it."

Yet in a break from custom even then, Oehler-Ey’s parents chose steak rather than prime rib for the reception at the now-gone Villa Victor in Syosset, following their daughter’s nuptials at St. Kilian Roman Catholic Church in Farmingdale. "And that was a big thing: ‘Oh, steak! The steak at the reception!’" she recalled guests’ reaction, chuckling. Served on the side were "potatoes and a vegetable," adds her husband.

By the time of Elizabeth and Anthony Colantonio’s 1985 wedding reception at Massapequa’s now-defunct Manor East catering hall, giving guests choices had become standard. "Chicken, steak or fish," recalls the bride, 65, of Garden City.

Similarly, at Alisa Kleinertz’s 1991 reception at the also-gone Renaissance Galaxie in Plainview, "It was prime rib, a chicken dish or a fish dish," says the 58-year-old of Head of the Harbor. "Plus a choice of a house salad or a Caesar that they mixed at the side — it was this white-glove service that was supposed to be elegant at the time," she says.

And whereas weddings in a previous era might have had a simple cocktail hour with hors d'oeuvres, this portion of the reception became a predinner meal in itself. When Kleinertz and her husband Bob Kleinertz, also 58, got married, "People were starting to have receptions where everybody was serving a lot of food at the cocktail hour. They had everything imaginable at ours," she recalls.

Colantonio and Kleinertz each ended the meal with a Viennese Table, a dessert buffet of every confection imaginable, often rolled in with great fanfare, that was common throughout the 1970s to 1990s.

Which was also the era of "flaming trays." "That was the flaming cherries jubilee, a very ’80s and early ’90s thing," says New York-based event planner Rena Hecht, 62, of Red Letter Events, who has done Long Island weddings for decades. The dish involves cherries flambéed with, typically, brandy, bourbon or a liqueur and served over vanilla ice cream once the flames die down and the fruit is caramelized. "And mini quiches were big in the ’80s, too," says Hecht.

Then came the chocolate fondue fountain, starting in the early '90s after the invention of a device in which heated chocolate is pumped to the top of a tiered cone to cascade down, so that guests can coat their skewered fruit and cheese. Couples are divided on it, since the attraction can be both delicious and messy. One couple recalls getting it whether they wanted it or not.

Josh and Mara Bernstein held their June 2011 reception at Riviera Waterfront Mansion in Massapequa. "They were selling us on having a chocolate fountain," says Josh Bernstein, 48, who now lives in New Jersey. "My wife was, like, ‘That chocolate fountain’s so cheesy. I don't want that.’ "

And then the venue, he continues, bemused, "put it out anyway. And the people who came to the wedding were going, ‘Oh my God, that chocolate fountain's amazing!’ "

It's all a far cry from when the only dessert was the white wedding cake with a plastic bride and groom on top.
 

When Oehler-Ey got married in 1972, she wore a custom wedding gown crafted by a seamstress friend of the family. Made of satin and Chantilly lace, "It was floor-length and of course very modest," Oehler-Ey says. "It was a winter wedding, so the dress had long sleeves and a high collar up to my neck." Her headpiece "was a Juliet cap, which was still very popular from the movie ‘Romeo and Juliet’ in 1968. It was shaped and fairly stiff, covered with satin, and the seamstress attached some of the Chantilly lace onto the satin. We had to use and hide light-colored bobby pins to secure it onto my head."

Kleinertz, following 1991 bridal fashion, chose a silk mermaid gown but went with very short sleeves rather than the big sleeves popular at the time. "My husband and I were in seven bridal parties that year," she recalled, "and everybody was wearing these big satin gowns with big sleeves and big, tremendous head pieces."

When Deborah Hewitt Findlay, 54, and Paul Findlay, 57, married at  a Presbyterian church in her hometown of Massapequa in 2005, the bride wore a traditional A-line gown with a scalloped hem, a sweetheart neckline and lacy sleeves, plus a remarkable "15- or 18-foot train," she says, with a same-length veil.

And Mara Bernstein in 2011 exemplified the next iteration of wedding dresses: strapless and sleeveless, like an evening gown, and in her case calf-length. Now, wedding styles run the gamut, with thin beaded straps, A-line dresses, delicate florals and deep V-necks catching eyes.

Anyone who regularly attended weddings in the previous century could probably recite most of the band’s playlist from memory: "At Last" by Etta James. Any number of Frank Sinatra songs. Elvis Presley’s "Can’t Help Falling in Love." And many more.

In 1972, a wedding band "still played some of the old big-band stuff" from the metaphoric Great American Songbook, remembered Doug Ey — and in his case, since his heritage is German, "They even did polkas." It already had long been traditional for the bride and groom to pick the song for their first dance as a wedded couple, and Ey and Oehler-Ey chose the then-new "Colour My World" by the band Chicago.

Other songs got added to the familiar repertoire in succeeding decades: "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge. Kool & The Gang’s "Celebration." Whitney Houston’s "I Will Always Love You." Billy Joel’s "Just the Way You Are."

"It was 99% bands" through the end of the 1980s, says photographer Ryan, who worked weddings from 1983 until retiring in 2020. "There were very, very few DJs."  A DJ, to do it right, needed not only great amps and speakers but multiple turntables or CD changers. Plus, there was a stigma: This is a wedding, not a sock hop.

As technology progressed, people’s expectations changed. "By the ’90s, it was getting harder and harder for bands to compete, and bands were only in the more expensive weddings," says Ryan. The Findlays — she an attorney, he a pharmaceutical operations and research executive — had a 10-piece orchestra in 2005 for their reception at the Hyatt Regency in Hauppauge.

Wedding photography used to be a whole big thing. Photographers after shooting the ceremony often would meet the couple at a studio "where you pulled down a backdrop and had full control, and that’s how you got your high quality portraits done," recalls Ryan, while guests were at the cocktail hour.

Later, couples would opt to have their portraits shot in a park or other bucolic setting, "and then the catering halls caught on and built areas where we could do their portrait work," he adds.

The '90s brought the idea of disposable cameras given out to guests, who would hand them in at the end of the reception for the family to take for processing. That was mostly supplanted by smartphone cameras, though some couples today make instant cameras available.

Also by the '90s, professional videography had become affordable for the average wedding. And there was a transition period for photographers becoming videographers, who initially took a documentary approach.

Videographers eventually learned to create polished, nonlinear short films focusing on meaningful moments. "It would frequently be a year before a video was done," Ryan says. "And once social media came around, people wanted instant gratification, so we learned to make a highlight reel — maybe a minute and a half — and have it to them before they were back from their honeymoon."