Ask the Clergy: How can parents emphasize faith rather than consumerism during the holidays?

Holiday spending is expected to reach record levels this year, according to the National Retail Federation. This week’s clergy discuss how families can help children enjoy the season’s gifts while focusing on their faith.

THE REV. ISRAEL BUFFARDI

Associate Minister for Member and Community Engagement, Unitarian Universalist Congregation at Shelter Rock

From a Humanist and Earth-centered perspective, the contemplative darkness of the season reminds us to reflect on the passage of another year of our precious lives and on appreciation for the quality and impact of our relationships with both our given and chosen families. Consumerism, by contrast, is like those incessantly twinkling lights, telling us we can never be enough or possess enough. As a parent, there is one thing I never have enough of — time. So now, when daylight is brief, I remember that life is also brief. I try to focus less on presents, but on presence with my family. We gravitate more to shared experiences rather than consumable goods, though we do not shy away from preparing and consuming good consumables (food, that is). We also treasure our rituals to mark our time together as meaningful. Never underestimate the value of lighting a candle, hanging up twinkling lights, or kindling a campfire on a dark night. These sparks of light emerging from darkness fill us all with awe for the brief flash of light that is our own lives. May they remind us to bask in the warmth of our connections so they might endure.

RABBI JACK DERMER

Temple Beth Torah, Westbury

The rabbis in the Mishnah, the ancient collection of Jewish wisdom, ask the question, “Who is happy?” Their answer: “The one who finds satisfaction in what s/he has.” An inconceivable amount of advertising money is spent during the holiday season to convince us that the next must-have item will bring us satisfaction. While giving gifts as an expression of our love is a holy act, we would be better off living a life in which our pursuit of acquiring more takes a back seat to the practice of deep gratitude. You woke up and took a breath? Thank G-d for the miracle of life! As part of my rabbinic work, I spend time with people at the end of life. I assure you, few come to the end thinking about the mountains of items they acquired that sit in their garage, and may simply be thrown out after they pass. Instead, most wish that they spent more time being present for those they loved and appreciating what they had. Judaism does not teach renunciation of materialism, but balance, and our society is out of balance. Take the rabbis’ advice to heart: Look around at the blessing that fills your life and this season, instead of the words “I need,” focus on the words “Thank you.”

THE REV. JOSEPH GAROFALO

Senior Pastor, Huntington Baptist Church

A question to this question is, do parents emphasize faith themselves? And how is that faith expressed to their children? It’s very difficult to give away what you do not have.

When a parent talks about the real meaning of Christmas, they themselves must know and believe. In fact, teaching our children about faith is the primary mandate of being a parent, according to the Bible. When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment is, he quoted from the Shema, the Jewish confession of faith(Matthew 22:35-40). It appears in Deuteronomy 6:4-5, with instructions to teach the words (commands) diligently to their children. It’s about teaching and modeling.

For Christmas, a wonderful tradition to start would be to read the Christmas story from Luke’s Gospel. The words of Scripture will show the magnitude of how the birth of Jesus was the beginning of the greatest moment in human history. Another would be to take their children to buy gifts for those that are less fortunate. It really will emphasize what Jesus said: “It is more blessed to give than receive” (Acts 20:35).

Giving and receiving gifts during the holidays is wonderful. But parents would do well to both teach and model a very simple phrase, “It’s not about us, it’s about Him.”