LI bridge enthusiasts say their partnerships can last for years (and sometimes lead to love)

Dori Cohen and Rob Gordon were partners in bridge long before they became partners in life. She was a public defender for the Nassau County Legal Aid Society and he was a prosecutor for the Suffolk County District Attorney’s office.

Gordon, 73, was from the North Shore, Cohen, 60, from the South Shore, each married to other people and separated by a more than 12-year age gap. Cohen stopped playing the card game from 1995 to 2012, raising a family before returning to the game.

“We reconnected, exchanged phone numbers and we started playing,” Cohen said. “We started our partnership on June 1, 2012. That was the first time we played together.”

The couple went on to be partners in bridge and then life, now living together in Woodbury.

“The first tournament we ever played we won together,” said Gordon, who now manages commercial real estate.

Bridge is a somewhat complicated game — think chess, not checkers. Contract bridge, the version typically played, involves four players and two partnerships. One team is made up of the dummy and declarer, the other of two defenders. Each player receives 13 cards, and teams bid until someone wins the final contract.

One team tries to make the contract, winning tricks by playing the highest-ranking card of the round, while the other tries to prevent the other from doing so. Partners cannot verbally communicate how strong their hand is and instead convey, through bids, how many tricks they think they can win. In the United States, games are typically played for points and rank, and not for money.

While not all pairings become romantic like Cohen and Gordon, these “card couples” often travel together, develop a way of communicating, follow each others’ lives and develop a closeness that can be hard to match.

Most people are very intertwined with their bridge partner. If they’re not married to them, they’re friends

- Silvana Morici, Port Washington resident

The traits and talents that make for good bridge partners include chemistry, competence and people who, as in any relationship, can get along well.

“Most people are very intertwined with their bridge partner. If they’re not married to them, they’re friends,” said Silvana Morici, 54, of Port Washington, an American Contract Bridge League program certified instructor and owner of the Sagamore Bridge Club, in Jericho, who partners with her husband Rich. “They socialize outside of bridge.”

James Knopf, 62, of Roslyn, plays with various people, including his sister Barbara Emmer, 74. “The partnership is about communicating with each other during the hand,” Knopf said. “We like each other, and we enjoy spending time together.”

Between hands they talk about their children, lives, parents, older sister (who doesn’t play bridge), TV shows, movies and clothes, and surprise other players when they find out they’re a brother/sister team.

“They’re almost in awe,” Knopf said. “They say, ‘I only wish my brother and sister and I had that kind of relationship.’ ”

Michael Massimilla, 63, of Syosset, a retired software engineer, partners with a player in Philadelphia, typically online.

“The focus of our relationship is bridge, but it’s an intense focus,” Massimilla said. “It’s a long-term relationship for the purpose of bridge.” 

The secrets to success

The ingredients for a successful bridge partnerships are the same things that make for any good relationship — with some twists.

A good partner has your back at the table, someone who cheers you on, who’s supportive.

- James Knopf, Roslyn resident

“A good partner has your back at the table, someone who cheers you on, who’s supportive,” Knopf said. “That’s what a bridge partnership should be.”

Bridge partners learn and speak the same private language, almost a code, communicating in bids. Emmer said she thinks of the game as “a bridge of communication between two people.”

While bridge may be a metaphor, others prefer a different analogy. “What makes a good synchronized skating relationship, dance relationship? You have to be synchronized to perform well as a bridge partnership,” Massimilla said. “That requires a lot of preparation and understanding what your partner’s bids and plays mean.”

While many things make lasting partnerships, a similar skill level helps. “We’re comparable in ability,” Cohen said, noting different strengths. “I feel Rob’s the better card player, and I’m the better bidder.” 

Patient players

Kay and Young Cha, who live in Nassau, have been married over 40 years, playing in a partnership for more than 10, although she is the more seasoned bridge player.

“We are at different levels,” Kay Cha, 69, said. “I’m advanced, let’s put it that way.”

She said a good partnership means prioritizing the other person in addition to playing well. “It’s just like your married life,” she said. “You have to be patient.”

Bridge partners often get to know each other to a point where they understand how the other thinks.

Gordon and Cohen acknowledged that they’re competitive with each other. They used to play backgammon against each other but, Gordon said, “We each have such a strong desire to win. It wasn’t a good thing for our relationship.”

Now, they work as a team.

“We rise and fall together,” he said. “We’re pretty successful.”

The blame game doesn’t play well, either during cards or beyond the bridge table, players said.

“Temperament,” Morici said. “No one wants to play with a partner who’s always angry or pointing fault. They want somebody at their level with the same enthusiasm."

Evolution

Bridge partners often start playing against each other before teaming up. Massimilla met his bridge partner, Louis Glasthal, when Massimilla ran the Harvard bridge club, playing against MIT, where Glasthal studied.

“Lou and I are a very accomplished, long-term bridge partnership,” said Massimilla. “We both had large libraries of bridge books. We both studied the game.”

Cohen, who had been married to Massimilla until 2005, also met Gordon as bridge opponents before forming a relationship. “When we played against each other, we developed a fondness for one another and decided we wanted to play together,” she said.

Massimilla said he and Glasthal are united by ability and an interest in the game. “We’re friends, but we don’t do anything together other than play bridge,” he said.

Emmer said she started as the better, more serious player, but her brother caught up and surpassed her. “The dynamic has changed,” she said. “He has become the better bridge player.”

COVID and online play

Many games went online during the pandemic, and bridge was no different.

“All the bridge clubs shut down,” Gordon said. “People to this day haven’t returned to club bridge the same way they used to.”

Massimilla shifted to online during the pandemic and continues playing with people in Florida, California and elsewhere.

“When we play online, we have a Zoom session,” Massimilla said of the social element. After a game, he said, “Lou and I may discuss it further and send emails back and forth.”

Kay Cha likes playing in person and online, believing bridge is the same game, delivered differently. “To me it’s not important,” she said. “Problem solving is important.”

Gordon and Cohen, who came in second at a national event and have won numerous regional events, travel to compete. They visited Graceland during a Memphis tournament and plan to go to a national bridge tournament in Philadelphia in July.

“We take a couple of days off here and there,” Gordon said of mixing sightseeing with playing.

Massimilla said he doesn’t often travel and is thus rarely in a room with his long-term bridge partner, but they are in nearly constant contact. “I’ve learned a lot from him personally through bridge,” Massimilla said. “Games teach you something and can make you grow as a person.”

Kay Cha is concerned that fewer young people are gravitating to the game online or in person. “It looks like the younger generation isn’t participating,” she said. “It’s dwindling. That’s what I’m worrying about.”

To these passionate players, the game will never lose its appeal. “There’s constant learning,” Gordon said, adding that bridge, like life, deals a different hand daily. “There are new situations all the time.”