Mother's Day remembrances: The gifts our mothers gave us
Long Islanders reflect on the intangible gifts their mothers gave them ahead of Mother's Day. Credit: Rick Kopstein
Families across Long Island will pay tribute to their moms once again this Mother's Day, but the gifts they've given to their children can't be wrapped or given with bouquets of flowers or over Sunday brunch.
Long Islanders said the most memorable presents from their mothers have lasted a lifetime and came with virtues such as sacrifice, hard work and kindness.
Some lost their moms too young but have memories of what they taught them. Others who still get to spend Mother's Day on Sunday with their moms say they recognize the intangible gifts they received growing up.
Compassion, love, and going above and beyond for others are values that Ellen Bilello said her mother, Ann Quatrale, 91, of East Patchogue, gave to her.
She was "always giving what she could and doing the best she could for myself and my siblings,” Bilello said of her mom, who was shopping with her in Sayville.
Bilello, 61, of Brookhaven, recalled that at the age of 15, Quatrale let her live in Australia as an exchange student. Quatrale knew she wouldn’t see her daughter for a year.
“That was a big sacrifice for her and my father,” Bilello said.
About two months ago, Bilello returned to Australia to visit her host families. Almost five decades later, the experience is something she is grateful for.
The fourth of six children, Bilello said her mother made the best of life for her children.
Bilello will be working on Mother’s Day at Spirit’s Promise Equine Rescue in Riverhead. “It's what I love, being with the animals and giving back,” she said.
Hema Sonkiya, 56, of Sayville, the youngest of six children, was only 26 when her mother died.
Being compassionate and having a “go-with-the-flow” attitude are values Sonkiya learned from her mother — although she wasn’t always that way.
“I never understood her,” Sonkiya said. “But as you mature . . . you understand why your mother was like that.”
As a mother of two sons, ages 28 and 34, she has learned that there is no perfect way to be a parent. She admitted making mistakes, but as long as you acknowledge it, you’re moving in the right direction.
“My kids, they make me better,” she said. "They always give me credit, and they uplift me.”
Sonkiya, owner of Guru’s store on Sayville’s Main Street, said her mother’s spirit continues to make her a better person for herself and her customers.
“I love being a mother. Even customers, they come here, they feel mother energy from me,” she said.
The business owner said she’s noticed that some patrons seem to be buying Mother’s Day presents out of obligation. But a gift without gratitude is not a gift, she said.
“We have only one mother and father,” Sonkiya said. “When you do from here, they love it,” she added, pointing to her heart.
Married couple Steve Parsowith and Carol Morris-Parsowith, of Oakdale, are also remembering their mothers Sunday.
Although his mother died two years ago, Parsowith, 70, one of three children, still gets the urge to call her, only to remember he can’t. The greatest thing she gave him, he said, was determination.
“My mom went through a lot of stuff in her life,” he said. “She had a vision. She lived to almost 90, and that was very inspiring.”
Morris-Parsowith, 67, said her mother, who had six children, gave her a sense of humor.
“Her goal was to live to the year 2000 and to see her great grandchildren,” she said. “She got to do both those things before she passed.”
The couple described themselves as a blended family, and will spend Mother’s Day with Steve’s ex-wife, his two children and son-in-law, embracing the importance of motherhood.
For Mother’s Day, Morris-Parsowith would send her mother a potted plant. After her mother died, she continued the tradition and sent her mother-in-law a potted plant, which became the envy of her neighbors.
“One of the things my mother used to say was sit back and really ponder what you're going to say to them,” Morris-Parsowith said about raising her own children. “I try to do that because sometimes the first thing you want to say is not what you really want to say.”
Zak Small, 28, of Brentwood, said a mother’s support is an integral part of becoming an independent person.
“I just want to let her know that I appreciate the things that she did and what she tried to teach me when I was younger, just so that it can prepare you for being an adult,” he said.
Kathleen Tallon, of East Meadow, is planning to spend Mother’s Day with her 90-year-old mother, Janet, at an assisted living facility in Levittown, where every mother gets flowers.
She said she grew up with her mother’s lessons of kindness, which she tries to carry with her and apply to life every day.
“She taught me to show kindness to everyone you know, think of others before yourself and go out of your way to help them out,” Tallon said. “Pretty much, my mother taught me to enjoy what you have and don’t retreat.
“Make the best of everything, have a wonderful attitude and don’t be angry.”
Tallon grew up in Bethpage, where her mom worked at Sears for 17 years. Her mom took the bus to work while her father drove to work at the U.S. Postal Service.
“She was always there for us and made sure we did the right thing,” Tallon said. “We learned to live in this world, you have to follow the rules. You realize they’re there for a reason.”
She said she was also raised in her mother's Catholic faith, including going to Catholic school and learning to quite literally love thy neighbors.
“I think we had a wonderful generation. Everyone came out on a summer night and we didn’t have to lock the doors,” Tallon said. “She still remembers the old days, and we were lucky to live in a time where we did not have to be afraid of everything. I think my mom and dad did a wonderful job raising us.”
Paola Castro, 20, of Freeport, said she was still looking for a gift for her mother and planned to spend Mother’s Day going out to eat with her family.
She said she grew up inspired by the hard work from her mother, Doris Rosales, also of Freeport. Castro said her mother set an example, always working at a country club but also making time for her family.
“She was working hard all the time. She taught me to work hard for what I want in life, and she was a big role model,” Castro said.
She said she remembers her mom getting up early to go to work and provide for Castro’s three siblings. But she still made time to be with her family.
“She took me out whenever she got a chance,” Castro said. “I just remember being with my mom and she was always loving to me and our family.”
Bill Lapkowski, 74, of Rockville Centre, said he was raised by a single mother until his mother remarried when he was a teenager. He said his mother taught him about hard work for her family.
He said while he was growing up, his mother worked at Grand Union Supermarket and at St. Agnes Cathedral in Rockville Centre.
“She was always there, no matter how difficult life can be, and focused on raising a family,” he said. “I think of her hard work and how helpful she was. She knew life won’t get easier, but the harder you work, the more fulfilling it will be.”
Lapkowski, a Vietnam veteran, said his mother came from a family with eight of her nine brothers serving in World War II. He said she was concerned, but proud of him and his brother when they joined the Army and served multiple tours in Vietnam.
“She was concerned not only about myself and about my brother, but we kept in touch as much as we could to keep her from worrying and she was happy we came home,” he said.
Families across Long Island will pay tribute to their moms once again this Mother's Day, but the gifts they've given to their children can't be wrapped or given with bouquets of flowers or over Sunday brunch.
Long Islanders said the most memorable presents from their mothers have lasted a lifetime and came with virtues such as sacrifice, hard work and kindness.
Some lost their moms too young but have memories of what they taught them. Others who still get to spend Mother's Day on Sunday with their moms say they recognize the intangible gifts they received growing up.
Compassion and making sacrifices
Ellen Bilello, of Brookhaven, right, and her mom, Ann Quatrale, of East Patchogue. Credit: Rick Kopstein
Compassion, love, and going above and beyond for others are values that Ellen Bilello said her mother, Ann Quatrale, 91, of East Patchogue, gave to her.
She was "always giving what she could and doing the best she could for myself and my siblings,” Bilello said of her mom, who was shopping with her in Sayville.
Bilello, 61, of Brookhaven, recalled that at the age of 15, Quatrale let her live in Australia as an exchange student. Quatrale knew she wouldn’t see her daughter for a year.
“That was a big sacrifice for her and my father,” Bilello said.
About two months ago, Bilello returned to Australia to visit her host families. Almost five decades later, the experience is something she is grateful for.
The fourth of six children, Bilello said her mother made the best of life for her children.
Bilello will be working on Mother’s Day at Spirit’s Promise Equine Rescue in Riverhead. “It's what I love, being with the animals and giving back,” she said.
A 'go-with-the-flow' attitude
Hema Sonkiya, 56 of Sayville. Credit: Rick Kopstein
Hema Sonkiya, 56, of Sayville, the youngest of six children, was only 26 when her mother died.
Being compassionate and having a “go-with-the-flow” attitude are values Sonkiya learned from her mother — although she wasn’t always that way.
“I never understood her,” Sonkiya said. “But as you mature . . . you understand why your mother was like that.”
As a mother of two sons, ages 28 and 34, she has learned that there is no perfect way to be a parent. She admitted making mistakes, but as long as you acknowledge it, you’re moving in the right direction.
“My kids, they make me better,” she said. "They always give me credit, and they uplift me.”
Sonkiya, owner of Guru’s store on Sayville’s Main Street, said her mother’s spirit continues to make her a better person for herself and her customers.
“I love being a mother. Even customers, they come here, they feel mother energy from me,” she said.
The business owner said she’s noticed that some patrons seem to be buying Mother’s Day presents out of obligation. But a gift without gratitude is not a gift, she said.
“We have only one mother and father,” Sonkiya said. “When you do from here, they love it,” she added, pointing to her heart.
The gift of determination
Steve Parsowith, 70, and his wife Carol Morris-Parsowith, 67, of Oakdale. Credit: Rick Kopstein
Married couple Steve Parsowith and Carol Morris-Parsowith, of Oakdale, are also remembering their mothers Sunday.
Although his mother died two years ago, Parsowith, 70, one of three children, still gets the urge to call her, only to remember he can’t. The greatest thing she gave him, he said, was determination.
“My mom went through a lot of stuff in her life,” he said. “She had a vision. She lived to almost 90, and that was very inspiring.”
Morris-Parsowith, 67, said her mother, who had six children, gave her a sense of humor.
“Her goal was to live to the year 2000 and to see her great grandchildren,” she said. “She got to do both those things before she passed.”
The couple described themselves as a blended family, and will spend Mother’s Day with Steve’s ex-wife, his two children and son-in-law, embracing the importance of motherhood.
Lesson learned from Mom:
Sit back and really ponder what you're going to say ... sometimes the first thing you want to say is not what you really want to say.
— Carol Morris-Parsowith, of Oakdale
Credit: Rick Kopstein
For Mother’s Day, Morris-Parsowith would send her mother a potted plant. After her mother died, she continued the tradition and sent her mother-in-law a potted plant, which became the envy of her neighbors.
“One of the things my mother used to say was sit back and really ponder what you're going to say to them,” Morris-Parsowith said about raising her own children. “I try to do that because sometimes the first thing you want to say is not what you really want to say.”
Preparing for independence
Zak Small, of Brentwood, says he appreciates how his mother prepared him to become an independent adult. Credit: Rick Kopstein
Zak Small, 28, of Brentwood, said a mother’s support is an integral part of becoming an independent person.
“I just want to let her know that I appreciate the things that she did and what she tried to teach me when I was younger, just so that it can prepare you for being an adult,” he said.
Showing kindness
Kathleen Tallon, of East Meadow, is planning to spend Mother’s Day with her 90-year-old mother, Janet, at an assisted living facility in Levittown, where every mother gets flowers.
She said she grew up with her mother’s lessons of kindness, which she tries to carry with her and apply to life every day.
“She taught me to show kindness to everyone you know, think of others before yourself and go out of your way to help them out,” Tallon said. “Pretty much, my mother taught me to enjoy what you have and don’t retreat.
Lesson learned from Mom:
Make the best of everything, have a wonderful attitude and don’t be angry.
— Kathleen Tallon, of East Meadow
Credit: Rick Kopstein
“Make the best of everything, have a wonderful attitude and don’t be angry.”
Tallon grew up in Bethpage, where her mom worked at Sears for 17 years. Her mom took the bus to work while her father drove to work at the U.S. Postal Service.
“She was always there for us and made sure we did the right thing,” Tallon said. “We learned to live in this world, you have to follow the rules. You realize they’re there for a reason.”
She said she was also raised in her mother's Catholic faith, including going to Catholic school and learning to quite literally love thy neighbors.
“I think we had a wonderful generation. Everyone came out on a summer night and we didn’t have to lock the doors,” Tallon said. “She still remembers the old days, and we were lucky to live in a time where we did not have to be afraid of everything. I think my mom and dad did a wonderful job raising us.”
The importance of working hard
Paola Castro, 20, of Freeport, said she was still looking for a gift for her mother and planned to spend Mother’s Day going out to eat with her family.
She said she grew up inspired by the hard work from her mother, Doris Rosales, also of Freeport. Castro said her mother set an example, always working at a country club but also making time for her family.
Lesson learned from Mom:
She taught me to work hard for what I want in life, and she was a big role model.
— Paola Castro, of Freeport
Credit: Rick Kopstein
“She was working hard all the time. She taught me to work hard for what I want in life, and she was a big role model,” Castro said.
She said she remembers her mom getting up early to go to work and provide for Castro’s three siblings. But she still made time to be with her family.
“She took me out whenever she got a chance,” Castro said. “I just remember being with my mom and she was always loving to me and our family.”
'She was always there'
Bill Lapkowski, 74, of Rockville Centre, said he was raised by a single mother until his mother remarried when he was a teenager. He said his mother taught him about hard work for her family.
He said while he was growing up, his mother worked at Grand Union Supermarket and at St. Agnes Cathedral in Rockville Centre.
Lesson learned from Mom:
She knew life won’t get easier, but the harder you work, the more fulfilling it will be.
—Bill Lapkowski, of Rockville Centre
Credit: Rick Kopstein
“She was always there, no matter how difficult life can be, and focused on raising a family,” he said. “I think of her hard work and how helpful she was. She knew life won’t get easier, but the harder you work, the more fulfilling it will be.”
Lapkowski, a Vietnam veteran, said his mother came from a family with eight of her nine brothers serving in World War II. He said she was concerned, but proud of him and his brother when they joined the Army and served multiple tours in Vietnam.
“She was concerned not only about myself and about my brother, but we kept in touch as much as we could to keep her from worrying and she was happy we came home,” he said.
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