Ryan Oliver, 16, died by suicide in 2021. Now his family is putting up hotline signs to stop another tragic death
Kristin and Michael Oliver, and their daughter, Kate, hold a hotline sign at Mattituck High School in Mattituck on Monday. The suicide prevention signs honor Ryan Oliver who died by suicide in 2021 at age 16 Credit: Randee Daddona
Three years after his son Ryan’s death, Michael Oliver of Mattituck still agonizes over what went wrong.
A straight-A student and standout lacrosse player, the 16-year-old had just gotten his driver's learner permit when he died by suicide in January 2021.
One painful lesson his father has learned is that suicide doesn’t discriminate.
“To find out that he was suffering in silence woke a lot of people up,” Oliver, 48, said last week.
Oliver, his wife, Kristin, and his 16-year-old daughter, Kate, are teaming up with Southold Town to break the silence and stigma around suicide through a new sign initiative that coincides with May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Through their nonprofit Ryan’s Team, the Olivers created 20 blue signs that read: “Hope Has a New Number” 988, which anyone can call or text 24/7 to reach a mental health counselor. The signs will be placed at schools, fire departments, libraries, the town senior center, parks and beaches.
The three digit 988 lifeline was created by federal health officials in 2022 to simplify contacting a mental health counselor. Previously, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline was reached through an 800 number.
“When you’re in a crisis, it’s hard to remember a 10-digit number,” said Meryl Cassidy, executive director at the Stony Brook-based Response Crisis Center, which fields 988 calls from Suffolk, Putnam and Rockland counties.
Counselors have responded to between 17,000 and 18,000 calls per month this year, according to Cassidy.
Oliver said talking openly about mental health was difficult, but necessary.
“You have to be able to say the word suicide. It’s a conversation that has to be had, whether it puts us or the person we’re talking to in an uncomfortable position.”
Americans of all ages struggle with mental health, and suicides increased 36% from 2000 to 2022, when 49,476 suicide deaths were recorded, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
The CDC says suicide is among the top nine leading causes of death for people ages 10 to 64, and the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 14 and 20 to 34.
Town Councilwoman Anne Smith said it’s “inspiring” that the Olivers passed on a message of hope.
“Behavioral health is part of whole body health,” Smith said. “We tend to forget that our mind is actually part of our body.”
Smith, a retired school superintendent, helped form the North Fork mental health coalition of schools, towns, hospitals and mental health providers in 2018 to improve students’ access to services. The coalition received $175,000 in state funding in the 2024-2025 budget, plus $5,000 from each of the five school districts in the program.
As part of the program, Family Service League counselors see students locally for crisis intervention. Before the program began, students were brought to Stony Brook's psychiatric emergency room or John T. Mather Memorial Hospital in Port Jefferson by the police or a parent.
“They would often return to school the next day without support or access to mental health care and a vicious cycle would begin,” said Lisa Simonetti, the director of guidance in the Southold school district who chairs the coalition.
“We are in one of the most beautiful places, but also the most remote,” said Mattituck High School Principal Tricia Desiderio. “When we're in need of counseling and support, they're booked. They're busy.”
One of the first signs went up last week near the track at Mattituck High School, where Ryan was a sophomore.
Oliver plans to order more signs, some in Spanish, as the effort expands. He hopes they inspire a neighbor to make the call. “There’s always somebody willing to listen,” he said. “You just have to be able to take that step and ask for help.”
Three years after his son Ryan’s death, Michael Oliver of Mattituck still agonizes over what went wrong.
A straight-A student and standout lacrosse player, the 16-year-old had just gotten his driver's learner permit when he died by suicide in January 2021.
One painful lesson his father has learned is that suicide doesn’t discriminate.
“To find out that he was suffering in silence woke a lot of people up,” Oliver, 48, said last week.
Resources
- If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available via call or text at 988.
- Family Service League — 24/7 hotline: 631-952-3333
- Response Crisis Center — 24/7 suicide hotline: 631-751-7500
- The Long Island Crisis Center in Bellmore — 24/7 crisis hotline: 516-679-1111
Oliver, his wife, Kristin, and his 16-year-old daughter, Kate, are teaming up with Southold Town to break the silence and stigma around suicide through a new sign initiative that coincides with May's Mental Health Awareness Month.
Through their nonprofit Ryan’s Team, the Olivers created 20 blue signs that read: “Hope Has a New Number” 988, which anyone can call or text 24/7 to reach a mental health counselor. The signs will be placed at schools, fire departments, libraries, the town senior center, parks and beaches.
The three digit 988 lifeline was created by federal health officials in 2022 to simplify contacting a mental health counselor. Previously, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline was reached through an 800 number.
“When you’re in a crisis, it’s hard to remember a 10-digit number,” said Meryl Cassidy, executive director at the Stony Brook-based Response Crisis Center, which fields 988 calls from Suffolk, Putnam and Rockland counties.
Counselors have responded to between 17,000 and 18,000 calls per month this year, according to Cassidy.
Oliver said talking openly about mental health was difficult, but necessary.
“You have to be able to say the word suicide. It’s a conversation that has to be had, whether it puts us or the person we’re talking to in an uncomfortable position.”
Americans of all ages struggle with mental health, and suicides increased 36% from 2000 to 2022, when 49,476 suicide deaths were recorded, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
The CDC says suicide is among the top nine leading causes of death for people ages 10 to 64, and the second leading cause of death for people ages 10 to 14 and 20 to 34.
Town Councilwoman Anne Smith said it’s “inspiring” that the Olivers passed on a message of hope.
“Behavioral health is part of whole body health,” Smith said. “We tend to forget that our mind is actually part of our body.”
Smith, a retired school superintendent, helped form the North Fork mental health coalition of schools, towns, hospitals and mental health providers in 2018 to improve students’ access to services. The coalition received $175,000 in state funding in the 2024-2025 budget, plus $5,000 from each of the five school districts in the program.
As part of the program, Family Service League counselors see students locally for crisis intervention. Before the program began, students were brought to Stony Brook's psychiatric emergency room or John T. Mather Memorial Hospital in Port Jefferson by the police or a parent.
“They would often return to school the next day without support or access to mental health care and a vicious cycle would begin,” said Lisa Simonetti, the director of guidance in the Southold school district who chairs the coalition.
“We are in one of the most beautiful places, but also the most remote,” said Mattituck High School Principal Tricia Desiderio. “When we're in need of counseling and support, they're booked. They're busy.”
One of the first signs went up last week near the track at Mattituck High School, where Ryan was a sophomore.
Oliver plans to order more signs, some in Spanish, as the effort expands. He hopes they inspire a neighbor to make the call. “There’s always somebody willing to listen,” he said. “You just have to be able to take that step and ask for help.”
