She wants boyfriend to join her pot-free

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I are 22 and have been dating for almost four years. We both used marijuana on a daily basis before we met. We found this as a way to bond and get to know each other, while enjoying life. After a year of dating, I decided to quit smoking and focus on my education. After going to college and receiving a professional degree, I do not wish to continue this habit. My boyfriend continues to smoke on a daily basis.It does not bother me that I cannot do this with him; however, I don't want him to do this for the rest of his life. We have been talking about marriage and starting a family. He says he will quit when we are ready to have children. I have recently been thinking about our relationship and realized that I have never known him when he was sober. I asked him to get sober for a short period of time so we can spend time together without being under the influence before we take the next steps in our life. When I talked to him about this, he became angry and agitated, but I think he is going to agree. Now I am secretly hoping that if he quits he won't start smoking again. Is it wrong of me to ask him to do this?

High on Life

DEAR HIGH: When you quit smoking, did you quit for your boyfriend? I assume you quit for yourself. And it is obvious that you like the changes sobriety has brought to your life.

Now you are hoping your guy will quit his daily habit for a short time, and, assuming he is able to do that, you are already worried about his choices beyond the sobriety he hasn't even achieved. You have made his marijuana use your problem, where you do all the strategizing and big-picture thinking and he does all the smoking.

What will you do if your boyfriend doesn't make any changes in his life? Can you be with him, as is -- pot and all? And do you want him -- as is -- to be your spouse and the father of your kids?