Finding new communities in clubs

“Join or Die” sounds like a line from a “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie, but it’s the startling advice of U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy in a recent documentary subtitled “A Film About Why You Should Join a Club.” Murthy’s prescription is echoed by other wise folks in the movie, including Hillary Clinton, Pete Buttigieg, and educator Eddie S. Glaude Jr.

I took their advice, joining three Long Island clubs. I became a better friend, a more engaged citizen, and a sharper thinker.

“World in Depth,” for example, is a group of 15 to 20 who convene to do our best to make sense of what goes on in today’s world. We meet every Tuesday at the Great Neck Social Center. Strong opinions, as well as diverse personalities, emerge, interact, and sometimes butt heads. “I've seen people come as a Democrat on an issue and leave as a Republican,” observes longtime member Martha Cohen.

Beyond discussing the issues of the week, though, I found myself relating more deeply to other participants as individuals, regardless of their ideologies. One of them, we learned, is going through trying times as a caregiver to an aged partner; another is having financial troubles; and a third is regretting the loss of community in our town.

For me, this growing awareness puts their views on public events into perspective, even if their convictions contradict my own. They emerged as whole, respected humans with whom one could build community.

Another club was just as engaging but hushed enough to be held in a Long Island Rail Road quiet car. I joined a weekly chess club at the Great Neck Library. There, on Wednesdays, conversation is minimal except for an occasional outburst. “Oh my god!” can be heard from a player who realized he had just blundered away his queen, or “well-played, my friend!” from a gracious player as she concludes a hard-fought game with a worthy adversary.

When I first started going there, each attendee was just another opportunity to play my beloved game. But soon I discovered that one member was coping with a serious ailment that would prevent his getting to the library for a few months. So I and other club members rallied to keep his spirits up by taking turns to engage him in weekly online games and friendly chatting by phone. A group that had begun as acquaintances turned into a web of supportive friends.

A third club, the Socrates Salon, is completely online. At each Zoom meeting, we discuss a topic for which everyone has an opinion based on their life experiences. Everyone can learn something from hearing about the experiences of others. Recent subjects included “Who Do You Trust – and Why?,” “Food in Our Lives,” and “Loneliness, Solitude, and Our Well-Being.”

Discussing such topics led me to getting to know other participants more fully as we became more comfortable revealing what was going on in our lives, or what we have lived through in the past. And I realized that reflecting together made my everyday thinking keener and more empathetic.

So, was Murthy’s injunction justified? I don’t think that joining a club will preclude one’s demise. In my experience, though, it can add significantly to the enjoyment, appreciation, and understanding of being alive.

Reader Ronald Gross lives in Great Neck.