Academy Awards red carpet live blog

Given that ABC pulled Channel 7 from Cablevision and no binding arbitration has occured as I begin, Pet Rock had to find another couch to sit on to live blog tonight's Academy Awards. Lucky for you Pet Rockers, I set up shop at a nearby quarry. Let's hope this couch has the same Oscar energy. Here we go:

6:00 p.m.: 500 feet doesn't seem that long a walk for a red carpet. Then again, there's a camera and a reporter every 10 inches.

6:02: Sam Worthington is the first interview on the E! Red Carpet with Ryan Seacrest. Interesting. Even though "Avatar" is the biggest movie ever, Worthington's star isn't rising that fast if he's on the red carpet this early.

6:03: Hey Zac Efron, comb your hair, bruh.

6:06: Oh, joy, "witty banter" between E! hosts Seacrest and Giuliana Rancic. I never wanted to hear actors and actresses being interviewed more than right now.

6:10: Uh oh, Anna Kendrick and Mo'Nique next to each other on the red carpet. They're both nominated for Best Supporting Actress. Is that like wearing the same dress?

PHOTOS: Academy Award red carpet photos

6:13: The umbrellas-ellas-ellas are open now. Seems to be pouring outside the Kodak Theater for a minute or two.  Tony! Toni! Tone! lied to us: it does rain in Southern California.

6:17: Nick Cannon wins early quote of the night about his wifey, Mariah Carey, and getting ready for the Oscars: "I sit around in my drawers, and she's got like a thousand people all around."

6:19: Woo hoo, more witty banter between Seacrest and Rancic. Oh, stop the insanity. Nooooo! No commercial break. I need more witty banter!

6:25: Zoe Saldana. I'm just saying. I'm still just saying.

6:27: Here comes Joel Madden and Nicole Richie. Can anyone explain to me what Richie is wearing? Seriously, what is that gray, black and white thing. If that doesn't show up on someone's worst dressed list tomorrow, someone needs to launch a fact-finding, blue ribbon investigation committee.

6:30: Either the movies this year stunk up the joint, or Lady Gaga really is the most iconic person in pop culture right now. E! just took a moment to plug Gaga's 10-minute video premiere on the station later this week.

PHOTOS: Academy Award red carpet photos

6:34: Seacrest on Sandra Bullock, said to Ryan Reynolds:  "She's like a chick who's half-dude, and I mean that in the best way." Wow.

6:36: Wow, we made it a full 36 minutes on E! before the first mention of "tweets." If you had the under, you lost!

6:38: James Cameron is responsible for "Avatar," "Titanic," "The Terminator" and "Aliens," yet I still really want to see "Aquaman."

6:39: Seacrest asks Cameron about his ex-wife's movie "The Hurt Locker," then asks the new wife if it's OK that he asked that. Normally, aaaaaaaaawkward. In Hollywood, no worries.

6:40: Saaaaaaarsgaaaaaaaaard! Arrrrrgh.

6:47: Observation: When Seacrest can't think of anything to say to an actor, he starts with the "what are you wearing?" question. This isn't the easiest job in the world, folks. (Mine is.)

6:49: Tarantino sighting. He looks like he just woke up. Then again, he usually looks like that. Where's Bridget Von Hammersmark?

6:50: Tina Fey. Still refreshingly funny and intelligent amid the Hollywood world.

6:57: Ahh, there she is. There's Bridget Von Hammersmark, aka actress Diana Kruger from "Inglourious Basterds."

6:59: Sandra Bullock in a glorious, praise-worthy atmosphere at the Academy Awards. Not sure I thought I'd ever see that.

7:01: Just caught a glimpse of Penelope Cruz. I never understood all the hoopla surrounding her. Then I saw "Volver" and figured it out. She also happened to be quite entertaining in "Nine." The rest of the movie stunk up the theater something fierce, but she was cool.

7:04: I've been waiting all day for Sunday night. Oops. Wrong season. Sorry, Faith Hill.

7:05: Tim McGraw wins quote of carpet. About the acting skills of "The Blind Side" co-star Quinton Aaron: "People don't realize how he good he is because he's actualy a 5-8 white guy."

PHOTOS: Academy Award red carpet photos

7:13: A little Miley Cyrus never hurt no one (aside from the parents of teens and tweens who flip when she does provocative things.)

7:14: Seacrest scored smooches from Miley Cyrus and her mom. "Are you watching, Billy Ray?" he said. Odd. Funny. Odd.

7:15: Sarah Jessica Parker is all Carrie Bradshaw'd up again, minus the ridiculous hair accessory.

7:16: Kathryn Bigelow, Best Director nominee for "The Hurt Locker," looks like the behind-the-camera version of Elizabeth Hurley. She also makes Seacrest look shorter than Tom Cruise. Both are Oscar-worthy performances.

7:20: OK, enough of the interviews and red carpetry. I need me some Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. Seventy minutes to go.

7:25: Looks like Matt Damon's hair is starting to thin. KId, I know your pain. Call me, we'll talk. Oh wait, Damon is just talking about his "Invictus" movie. Ooops, missed that. Is "Green Zone" just the fourth Bourne movie in disguise?

7:26: Why do I laugh every time Seacrest introduces himself to the wife/girlfriend/female companion of a male interview subject? "Hi, I'm Ryan." Instant laughter. Not a full LOL or LMAO, more like just an L.

7:29: Clooney is the man!

7:30: Poor Adam Shankman. He's the producer of this year's Oscars and got dismissed twice by Seacrest. First, Clooney rolled by during his interview, then Meryl Streep arrived. In between, Shankman said about nine words.

7:32: Jennifer Lopez chillin' in "iridescent pink." She's awesome.

PHOTOS: Academy Award red carpet photos

7:37: Keanu Reeves. Ugh.

7:38: Gabourey Sidibe. Cool. "If fashion was porn, this dress is the money shot." Championship work. That could top McGraw's comment from at 7:05.

7:42: Not sure what my boy Downey is doing with that weird blue bowtie to go with his tuxedo, but Downey can pretty much do whatever we wants and get away with it. That's what being a genius actor means, right?

7:49: Oh, a little Jason Bateman never hurt nobody. Usually you have to double for that kind of action. Pepper needs new shorts!

7:51: Everyone loves Jeff Bridges as The Dude in "The Big Lebowski." Me, I prefer him as the president in "The Contender," but that's just me.

7:59: Now is when we realize the last two hours of our lives will never be returned. Why so salty about it? Because when we look at the newspapers, Internets, magazines and TV shows in the days ahead, we'll realize that the same people will be on both the best and worst dressed lists. How that's possible, I'll never understand.

8:00: OK, time to flip over to ABC for 30 more minutes of red carpet pageantry. Apparently, they don't want us to be entertained by Baldwin and Martin just yet. Based on past viewing experiences, this won't be all that exciting to watch. Still, we'll live blog it for a little bit here before we switch over to our new post on the actual Academy Awards show.

8:00: Someone tell the Tel-Promp-Ter guy to lower his screen a biit so ABC co-host Sherri Shepherd can look normal when reading off it on camera.

8:03: Wow, Kathy Ireland is terrible on camera. It's hard to watch.

8:04: Clooney still the man. Shepherd mentions something about problems with commitment. "Tell that to Elizabetha. I'm sure she's thrilled to hear it."

PHOTOS: Academy Award red carpet photos

8:11: Oh, Lord, please stop cutting to Kathy Ireland interviews. Or at least send a PA over there to tell her she's allowed to move and go off-script and express different ranges of emotion, excitement and intonation. Pleeeeeease!

8:14: Anyone know why Shepherd just reached out and touched Jennifer Lopez during their interview? My hunch is a friend bet her that she couldn't touch J.Lo on camera. If it's not that, then it's just plain awkward.

8:16: The "Basterds" haven't received much love on the televised red carpet. Disappointing. A little Tarantino would spice things up. You've got a few minutes left to right this wrong, production truck people.

8:21: Who's worse on the red carpet: Kathy Ireland or Jess Cagle? To be clear, they're both talented  at what they usually do -- professional hot chick (Ireland) and Entertainment Weekly editor (Cagle) -- but on the red carpet as hosts, ugh.

8:23: Jeff Bridges: "I'm all Gucci'd out." Nice work, sir. I hope you win Best Actor tonight, strictly because of that line.

8:25: OK, this is getting silly. Just go get some Oscar snacks, and then follow along in our Academy Awards live show blog.