A $1,000 question for Long Island weddings: 'Will you be my bridesmaid?' 

It’s a special request to a loved one — an honor, even — leading up to one of the most monumental days you can have in life: "Will you be my bridesmaid?"

But it's become a loaded question.

Between the expenses of the big day and the wedding-related festivities along the way, the costs of being in a bridal party add up quickly — especially with the added pressure of social media trends, some local experts say. To cover every potential cost, bridesmaids can expect to spend at least $1,000, says Heather Cunningham, owner of the organization Brides of Long Island.

"I wish it was less taboo when you’re asked to say, ‘What are your expectations of this role?’ “ says Brittany Ferrazzi, 35, of Ronkonkoma. She got married in 2022 and has been a part of seven bridal parties. "I think I've been in weddings where I’ve slowly found out that I bit off more than I've maybe wanted to chew."

Ferrazzi says she has created distance from some friends during times where she "wasn't ready to make that financial or time commitment" before being asked to be a bridesmaid.

"I'm a full disclosure kind of girl," she says, "So if it's not in my budget or I don't have the time or I don't think I can meet the individual's personality, it’s just about being really candid: This is what I understand you expect, and I think you deserve it, I'm just not in a position to really give that to you right now. It's kinder to go that approach, I think."

Local wedding experts and bridesmaids of past and present weighed in with their best cost-saving advice, along with the state of bridesmaid culture in 2025 — and how it might change in the future.

What the experts say

The "busiest time of year" for proposals is between Thanksgiving and Valentine’s Day, says Cunningham. Her organization, Brides of Long Island, is a local wedding resource that has amassed more than 25,000 members in its Facebook group.

In recent years, asking friends and family to be a part of a bridal party has become its own kind of proposal, and can sometimes come in the form of a gift from the bride. The question can be either inside a card, or inscribed on the box.

"In the beginning of planning, everyone’s giddy and saying, ‘Let’s do this, let’s do that,’ “ Cunningham says. "And then you get the prices."

"Sometimes brides are so excited about it that they end up with these unrealistic expectations, and their friends are like, ‘How do we live up to that?’ “ says Monique Hamilton, who runs her own event planning company with a focus on weddings. "Honesty from the bride and from the potential people that she wants to be a part of her day goes a long way."

Your bridesmaids are your best friends, your siblings, the people who matter to you. The bride is someone you can have this conversation with. You can be open about money.

 — Elizabeth Treimanis, 28

Expenses that might fall on members of a bridal party include their dress, hair and makeup for the wedding day, the bridal shower (which can include the cost of a venue, party favors, food or decorations), shower and wedding day presents, and the bachelorette bash, for which some brides opt for a getaway that could include booking flights and a place to stay.

"Some brides expect the bridesmaids to pay for every little thing, no matter how much it costs," says Cunningham. "And some brides cover things for their bridesmaids because they don’t want to put the financial burden on the bridesmaid. We see that mostly commonly with the hair and makeup expense."

According to a 2023 national survey by The Knot, the average cost for a bridesmaid is $130 for hair and $120 for makeup.

As for bridesmaid dresses, websites like Azazie, Birdy Grey and Revelry offer selections of fabrics, styles and colors, with Azazie and Revelry offering at-home try-on services before purchase, at $10 per dress with free shipping. On the Azazie website, bridesmaid dresses run from $49 to $149, before tax, shipping and alterations.

Bella Bridesmaids in Huntington carries about a dozen designers, with 2,500 dresses in the store, says co-owner Angela Vomero. In terms of bridesmaid dress pricing, "I would say they are like $150 to a few that are $325, but most of them are under $300," she says.

Vomero advises that while coming into the store six months before a wedding is "doable," nine months is the ideal timeline for a bridesmaid coming in to order a dress and get alterations, which can cost at least $100 depending on the seamstress, timeline and amount of work to be done, Vomero says. Coming in any later may result in a rushed order, which comes with an extra fee.

Rachael Carro, 26, will be getting married in 2027. She and her fiance will cover the cost of their wedding party’s attire, she says, and they each have three members in their respective parties. Their budget is $1,000, and they’re expecting to spend between $150 and $170 per person, Carro says.

"The only thing we asked the bridal party to be responsible for are alterations," says Carro, who lives in the Patchogue area and works in marketing for Stony Brook University.

Let’s hear it for the bridesmaids

Elizabeth Treimanis, 28, is a wedding coordinator who got married two years ago. Bridesmaid expenses are "out of control," she says. So her goal was to make her wedding day and additional activities accessible for her six bridesmaids — especially her bachelorette plans.

"Bachelorette trips can get out of hand these days," says Treimanis, who lives in Queens. "Expecting my bridesmaids to use their limited funds and vacation days for me was not something I wanted to do."

For her bachelorette bash, Treimanis and her bridesmaids did a love-and-marriage-themed tour at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The bridesmaids spent $45 each, Treimanis says. The group organized other activities around this, also heading to brunch, karaoke, an escape room and a prix-fixe dinner. Dividing up the bride’s expenses between them throughout the day, the total came to $386 per bridesmaid.

The cost of a bachelorette trip can total $1,300 on average, according to The Knot’s 2023 data.

Ferrazzi has traveled out of state several times for bachelorette celebrations, including to Pennsylvania and Louisiana. A Breeze Airways flight from Islip to New Orleans on Memorial Day weekend, which can be a popular bachelorette weekend due to the extra day, totals more than $600, including an additional fee to bring a carry-on bag.

Over time, Ferrazzi has learned how to save money on the way to the wedding day. "DIY when you can," says Ferrazzi, who owns a deli. "If you’re going to be able to do your own makeup and hair, practice, so that you’re confident and you feel beautiful next to people who are paying professionals."

Of course in some cases, bridesmaids might have to pay for airfare to the wedding, if it’s taking place out of state. For example, Carro’s wedding will be held in her fiancé’s home state of Wisconsin. The couple travels there frequently, she says, so they’re familiar with the costs.

"We can easily spend $300 each on flights out there, depending on the season," Carro says, not including a rental car. Driving round-trip has cost them $250 in gas and $162 for tolls along the way, she adds.

If a bridesmaid is responsible for contributing to the bridal shower, Ferrazzi recommends homemade party favors or seeing if a potluck would be possible to cut down on expenses. "I would say not every bride has wanted a bridal shower," Ferrazzi says. "But I would say probably 50% at least, I’ve had to split the cost." These showers were either at a family member’s house or casual eatery, she adds.

"The No. 1 cost saving tip that I could offer is having a budget you’re comfortable with and communicating that, so the bride doesn't think that there’s an unlimited budget," says Ferrazzi.

How to move forward, before walking down the aisle

Ahead of her wedding in October, Lexi Weatherill is planning a bachelorette day of fun at her Smithtown home, including a bouncy house and an obstacle course.

"My property is big enough to have it, so it saves everyone a bit of money for having to get Airbnb or something," says Weatherill, 26. "So why not?"

Weatherill, who is a product marketing specialist at Canon, feels there is starting to be less pressure around planning elaborate trips. When she was a bridesmaid last year, the bride chose to celebrate locally on the North Fork for her bachelorette.

"The people who prefer to stay home or want to stay home are more willing, and feel like it’s more accepted," she says.

And sometimes less is more, especially during the planning process.

Maybe it’s a little controversial, but I don’t think that it’s necessary to have every single friend you've ever had come to your bachelorette trip ... It doesn't have to be a big production.

— Lexi Weatherill, 26

Nandini Trivedi, 31, is getting married this summer. She is planning a South Asian wedding, for which she is covering the costs of the traditional Indian attire of her bridal party, plus their hair and makeup.

"The outfit alone is probably going to be at least $200 for each girl," says Trivedi, a social media influencer who also teaches yoga.

Trivedi, of Garden City, admits to being influenced herself by wedding trends she’s seen on social media. But brides should know they’re only seeing the best of the best while looking at the work of potential vendors and ideas for wedding festivities.

"It’s hard because on social media, things can be edited to look better than they might actually be," she says. "It’s kind of selling you a dream that might not be worth the money."

The wedding day is all that matters, Hamilton says, adding that valuing its worth based on Instagram likes can be harmful.

"Everyone wants to emulate what they see on social media," says Hamilton. "And I think whether it’s your wedding day, bridal shower, whatever it may be, you’re not doing it for the Gram: You really should be doing what makes you happy."

Hamilton has seen a shift with her clients, such as smaller bridal parties, and the bride allowing her group to just find dresses in the same color family, rather than matching and purchasing from a bridesmaid-driven company.

"Everyone wants to emulate what they see on social media ... You really should be doing what makes you happy."

- Monique Hamilton, who runs her own event planning company with a focus on weddings

When asked to be a bridesmaid, the key is to be open and honest about your finances as early in the process as possible, Cunningham and Hamilton agree. Or, it’s OK to opt out altogether.

"I think if they stress that it has nothing to do with the friendship, if someone has too much on their plate, it’s OK to say no to things in life," Cunningham says.

Cunningham helped create an app called Ring Leader, a collaborative wedding planning tool that includes a feature where the bride can collect anonymous answers from her bridesmaids about their budgets, so they can feel comfortable responding.

"It sets realistic expectations for the bride," she says.

And when you just can’t afford it, Treimanis recommends not being afraid to have this conversation with the bride, and offer something else if you can. For example, instead of splurging on the bachelorette trip, send some flowers or a bottle of champagne to their hotel, she says.

"Your bridesmaids are your best friends, your siblings, the people who matter to you," Treimanis says. "So the bride is someone you can have this conversation with. You can be open about money."

By Rachel Weiss

rachel.weiss@newsday.com@RachMWeiss

Rachel Weiss joined Newsday in 2016. As a real estate/living multimedia reporter, Rachel writes feature stories and contributes to and appears in on-camera video packages. She was the lead reporter on Newsday’s LI Acts of Kindness series.