Abby and Miguel Melendez bringing Relay for Life back to Baldwin

A force to be reckoned with. Dependable and dedicated. An invaluable resource. These are just some of the words used to describe Abby and Miguel Melendez, a Baldwin couple committed to advocating for cancer patients, survivors and caregivers.

Both cancer survivors themselves, the two have spent more than a quarter-century lending a helping hand to cancer charities in their fight for a cure. When the couple are not offering support, encouragement and advice to fellow survivors and caregivers, they are attending health fairs and educating the public about the importance of cancer screening and early detection — work that has earned them local and national awards.

Their mission also includes advocating for policy reform that addresses cancer care. The Melendezes have contributed countless hours urging lawmakers in Albany and Washington, D.C., to act on legislation that advances cancer therapies. And for patients who don’t have a ride or are unable to drive themselves to and from cancer-related appointments, Miguel Melendez, 67, volunteers to drive them.

This year, they are spearheading the return, on June 8, of the American Cancer Society’s Relay for Life in Baldwin, last held virtually in 2020 during the pandemic. The “First Lap,” a kickoff event for the walk, which spreads awareness of the disease and raises funds for research, was held earlier this month at Baldwin Middle School.

“Abby and Miguel are shining examples of what a volunteer should be,” said Barbara Messeder, associate director of the American Cancer Society’s Cancer Center Partnerships. “When you are diagnosed with cancer, you don’t know what to do, and you need someone to walk along and help you. They take the sting out of it by assisting people.”

Thyroid cancer at 39

In 1998, at age 39, Abby Melendez’s thyroid cancer diagnosis came as a shock. After she underwent surgery to remove her thyroid and radioactive iodine treatment to kill any remaining cancer cells, she said doctors prescribed a hormone replacement necessary to recreate the essential function of the gland — a process that sent her into a tailspin.

“After the surgery, people thought I could just get on with my life,” Abby Melendez, now 64, recalled. “I was crying, I was agitated, anxious and depressed because the medication was too strong. It was very hard.”

Eleven years later, her husband, then 53, learned he had prostate cancer and underwent surgery. The diagnosis meant a reversal in caregiving roles.

“We went to each other’s doctors’ appointments and encouraged each other,” said the mother of three. “We know what having had cancer feels like. Sometimes it feels like you’re fine because they took the cancer out. But you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop, because you’re waiting for it to return. It’s scary.”

The Melendezes said they feel fortunate that their cancers were caught early and have not spread. Both continue to celebrate survival and, they said, they want to help others triumph over cancer by “paying it forward.”

“People should not have to go through this alone,” said Abby Melendez, a retired special education elementary teacher.

Starting a support group

After her diagnosis, she said she reached out to Thyca: Thyroid Cancer Survivors’ Association in Olney, Maryland, in search of a local support group. When she didn’t find one, she established her own. With the nonprofit guiding her, she formed the Thyroid Cancer Survivors Support Group-Long Island in 2001. The group initially met in person, but during the COVID-19 pandemic, it switched to a virtual format and has remained that way ever since, Abby Melendez said.

While some members hail from Long Island, the group, which meets the second Sunday of every month, attracts participants from across the country and abroad, she said.

“We have about 100 people signed up, but it averages about 10 people per session,” she said. “We get people who were just diagnosed or who have a recurrence [of cancer], but the majority of people have gotten through surgery and they are concerned about what happens next. When they come to the group, their feelings are validated, they are educated and empowered.”

Soon after his wife founded the group, Miguel Melendez, a retired school psychologist, took on the role of facilitator and gave the “caregiver point of view.”

“I tune into the feelings part and capture all their emotions,” he said.

The couple, married for 41 years, said they are “connected at the hip” and enjoy a strong emotional bond that has remained intact through their cancer journeys. “We are so enmeshed. I couldn’t think about doing anything without her,” Miguel Melendez said. “We lean on each other.”

Gary Bloom, executive director of ThyCa, said, “They know how to give virtual hugs and greet the people with a smile. They are always looking to see if there is a gap in what ThyCa offers. . . . They are in retirement, but you wouldn’t know it.”

Indeed, the Melendezes have expanded their roles yet again by launching a thyroid cancer support group for caregivers earlier this month that Miguel will lead, while Abby kicked off an international support group for survivors of the disease to account for time zone differences. “This way, people from Europe and Asia can join,” she said. She hopes to accommodate non-English speakers.  

Volunteer driver

When Miguel Melendez retired in 2012, he said he applied to volunteer with the American Cancer Society. When the organization informed him of the urgent need to provide patient transportation to medical appointments and treatments, he immediately offered his car, Messeder said.

“Rides to treatment is the No. 1 need in the New York City area,” she said. “Miguel drives and coordinates other drivers. He doesn’t say ‘no.’ ”

Danielle Nicosia, 38, of West Hempstead, said she is “so grateful” that she could rely on Miguel Melendez for twice- weekly rides to radiation therapy and radioactive iodine treatment after she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. “I’m disabled and don’t drive, and it was a big relief for me to have this program,” said Nicosia, who previously participated in Abby Melendez’s thyroid cancer survivors’ support group. “It is so important for cancer patients to have less stress.”

When they are not transporting patients or running the support group, the couple attends American Cancer Society health fairs, where they spread awareness and educate the public about the organization’s programs and services.

Albany action

Looking to ensure that cancer care remains a top state and national priority, they said they signed up in 2018 to volunteer with the Cancer Action Network, a nonprofit affiliate of the American Cancer Society. Over the past five years, the pair said they have traveled to Albany every spring on Cancer Action Day to share their testimonies and urge lawmakers to act on legislation.

Rebecca Oechsner, senior grassroots manager for the network, said the Melendezes have influenced many legislative initiatives through the years by sharing their respective cancer histories.

“They were persistent advocates of the biomarker testing bill that was signed into law by New York Gov. Kathy Hochul last year,” she said, adding that the legislation ensures that the test, which identifies treatment information for diseases like cancer, is covered by state-regulated health plans.

“They also helped shepherd an increase in funding for our state cancer screening program and the tobacco cessation and prevention initiative, as well as legislation that would permit copays to count toward prescription deductibles,” Oechsner said. “Those initiatives alone have the potential to impact millions of New Yorkers every year.”

Miguel Melendez is the network’s volunteer team lead for his congressional district, according to Oechsner, and he and his wife travel to Washington, D.C., each fall to meet with legislators. But their work doesn’t stop there. Throughout the year, they also engage with lawmakers via email, phone calls and social media.

“When our volunteers meet with a lawmaker, they bring something incredible to the table and that is their own personal story and their voice,” Oechsner said. “Their stories bring a face to cancer and it demonstrates to the lawmaker that cancer is not just a statistic. It is our super power.”

In 2018, the American Cancer Society recognized them with the Heart and Soul award for their volunteerism in Nassau County. And later that year, they received the organization’s St. George National Award for Volunteerism for the Northeast region, given to outstanding community volunteers in recognition of their distinguished service.

Spending time in service to others has not only reinforced the lesson that life is not guaranteed but it has also provided them a sense of purpose and, Abby Melendez said, “satisfaction in knowing that we are doing good.”  

One person at a time

One especially rewarding experience occurred in 2022. Abby Melendez recalled receiving a frantic call from a man who had just been diagnosed with an aggressive form of thyroid cancer. After the man researched the cancer online, she said, he was “convinced there was no hope.”

“I connected him to a Facebook support group that solely deals with his type of cancer,” she said. “There he found a group of knowledgeable, caring people who helped guide him in his medical care. He was quite grateful, acknowledging that the Facebook group was a ‘much better resource than Google.’ ”

The couple are not the only ones in their household to embrace the spirit of volunteerism. Their daughter, Sarah Melendez, 31, of Baldwin, is also a committed volunteer with several nonprofits, including Long Island Cares, Long Island Progressive Coalition and Democratic Socialists of America. She said she was inspired to donate her time and abilities to help others by watching her parents.

“My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was 5 or 6 and she spent a lot of her time volunteering with ThyCa in online chat rooms. … It was seeing the fire in them, and it was something to follow,” she said.

Oechsner also praised the couple for their support of the American Cancer Society and their efforts to affect change in the community.

“They [Abby and Miguel] took their own personal struggle with cancer and turned it into something,” she said. “They are giving back to their community and showing others going through the same struggle that you can get through this. You are not just about your cancer.”