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Dr. Maureen Crowley, center, a mother of nine, is surrounded...

Dr. Maureen Crowley, center, a mother of nine, is surrounded by her family outside their Westhampton home. (May 6, 2012) Credit: Newsday/John Paraskevas

Dr. Maureen Crowley is certain of one thing: There is one job more difficult than that of physician -- being a mom, and not just any mom but a mother of nine.

At home in Westhampton she and her husband, Dr. Steve Pesce, a pediatrician, run a household where there is rarely -- if ever -- a dull moment.

Disputes break out between competing siblings, weeknight meals are often served in shifts. And with six sons and three daughters -- between the ages of 4 and 21 -- Crowley said she has no time for collecting recipes or following the latest decorating trends.

"My standards are lower than most other people's standards," said Crowley, a specialist in internal medicine and medical director of the John J. Foley Nursing Facility in Yaphank. "I've given up on an immaculate house and try to have something that's reasonably neat and clean."

This Mother's Day has special meaning for the Pesce family.

Falling as it does on a Sunday, it is the day the family sets aside for bonding and a formal dinner. It also roughly coincides with a major milestone -- their oldest son, Dominic, is graduating from Harvard University on May 24.

Yet the day for Crowley is only a 24-hour reprieve from a juggling act that generally begins shortly after daybreak and doesn't end until the last child is tucked in at night.

Work begins at 8 a.m. at the 264-bed Suffolk County-run nursing facility where Crowley manages patients' care. Some patients have dementia, traumatic brain injury or are suffering the aftermath of a stroke.

"We're not going for a cure here. We're helping people work with what they have left," she said. "This is very holistic care, but it is also very demanding."

Crowley's medical role ends daily at 4 p.m., but around that time she begins her evening job assisting her children. She chauffeurs them to sports practice, band rehearsals and Irish step-dancing classes.

"We do try to carpool but it doesn't always work out," Crowley said.

She and Pesce met more than two decades ago as medical students at Stony Brook University School of Medicine.

Dominic was born shortly after Crowley and Pesce finished their residencies.

A large family never seemed out of the question to Crowley, who grew up in Queens in a family of 15 children. She said her mom thinks having only nine should be easier to manage.

"My mother is like, 'You think nine is difficult?' "

"My mother is the person who gave me the impression that I can do anything. So it never occurred to me that I couldn't go to medical school and have a lot of kids."

Having a large extended family, she noted, has been invaluable. Relatives have been able to help out when needed.

Crowley welcomed her husband's recent job downsizing, which left him with fewer office hours and more time to help at home with the kids.

"It has been easier because we are not both working full time," Crowley said. "There were periods that were more hectic than they are now, and he has always been very helpful. The only way you can juggle your career is to have a very helpful husband."

Her time at the nursing facility has not come without stress. There had been talk of the county shutting its doors.

"Aside from that it's a lovely place," she said. "It's a nice place to work.

"You go home at the end of the day with an appreciation and realize how lucky you are," Crowley said. "I have had a number of jobs at the [Suffolk County] Health Department and this one is the most gratifying."

Still, life has had its challenges.

Their youngest daughter, Kathleen, has Down syndrome. While a baby, Kathleen was hospitalized for ear surgeries and lung problems.

"We have a file on her like we would have on a patient," Crowley said. "She spent the first years of her life with life-threatening conditions."

At that time four years ago, Crowley said she was 44 and viewed herself as a mother, a doctor and used to handling almost any crisis.

"But all of this was new to me -- being a parent of a child with special needs. No matter what kind of skills you have, everybody has a limit," she said. "That was my limit when Kathleen was born. I became like a patient. I needed help."

Crowley said she took a leave of absence from work to prepare herself for the years ahead.

Giving birth to a special-needs child, Crowley said, transformed her.

"It changed my whole perspective on life. It was an epiphany and it helped me in other areas of life.

"My life prior to that was go to school, go to medical school, get good grades, be a doctor, be a good wife, be a good mother, keep your house clean," Crowley said.

"I found out," she added, "I can't do it all."

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