NYPD Det. Jonathan Diller 'passed a whole lot of light into the short time he had,' his widow says at memorial Mass

Stephanie Diller sat in the front pew of St. Agnes Cathedral in Rockville Centre on Tuesday morning with her 2-year-old son, Ryan, who babbled and pointed to the picture of his father in uniform.

It had been one year since NYPD Det. Jonathan Diller, 31, of Massapequa Park, was shot and killed when he confronted a gunman in an illegally parked car in Far Rockaway, Queens. Police said Diller was shot once below his bulletproof vest as he struggled to open the assailant’s car door.

At the time his father was killed, Ryan was saying only a few words and starting to learn to walk. His first word was "Dada."

Stephanie Diller said during a memorial Mass on Tuesday that she looks for signs of her husband from above, such as a bird landing nearby or a sunny day on the playground. She stood before the church, packed with hundreds of NYPD officers, friends and family, who reminded her she is not alone, and that Jonathan’s life will not be forgotten.

"It was hard to imagine Jonathan would miss his son growing up, but I actually think he has the best view," Stephanie Diller said. "I know that he’s with us and he’s getting an absolute kick out of Ryan because he’s just like him. He carries his eyes, his spirit and his fire. He is living proof something beautiful grows from the love we share together, beyond what either of us could have imagined."

When she misses Jonathan, she said, she searches her phone for "a million little messages" from him that say, "I love you."

"It was hard to accept not only the fact that he died, but also the way that he died. It felt like he was ripped from this world and from us. We were angry, heartbroken, confused, and had no idea how we could possibly go on," Stephanie Diller said. "He passed a whole lot of light into the short time he had. Even though we all experienced this tragic loss, we don't have to live tragic lives."

She said she wanted to celebrate his life as a jokester and genuine friend and father. She said she "didn’t want him to be just a memory" as she raised her son.

"In fact, pretty much all year, I found myself saying, ‘What would Jonathan do?’ " Diller said.

Legacy for son

The Rev. Michael Duffy told Diller she showed strength in standing for what her husband represented, showing compassion and calling for justice in his death. Ryan will learn about his father and carry on his legacy, he said.

"You remind us what love looks like when it refuses to let go," Duffy said. "Ryan is growing up with his father’s name spoken in reverence, surrounded by people who ensure that he knows the kind of man that his father was. That legacy, that memory, it’s not a shadow, it’s a light, in fact it’s a guiding light."

Duffy said Tuesday’s memorial was meant to honor Jonathan Diller's memory and devotion to the community.

"One year ago today, we lost a man of uncommon courage, deep conviction and great heart, a husband, a father, a son, a protector of the people," he said. "His death stunned Long Island and, in fact, the entire nation. But today is not about reliving that grief. It's remembering his life and giving thanks for the grace that still flows from it."

The family was consoled Tuesday by Nassau County officials and top NYPD officials, including PBA president Patrick Hendry and Police Commissioner Jessica Tisch.

Hendry and Tisch said officers will continue to attend court appearances for the two Queens men charged in Diller’s killing. The accused shooter, Guy Rivera, 35, was charged with murder, and the driver, Lindy Jones, 42, was indicted on weapons charges. Both men are awaiting trial and have extensive criminal records.

"We must also confront a meaningful truth. Jonathan's killer should never have been out on the streets that night," Tisch said. "A broken criminal justice system failed him. It failed Stephanie, it failed Ryan and it failed every New Yorker who values public safety."

By John Asbury

john.asbury@newsday.comJohnAsbury

John Asbury is a breaking news and general assignment reporter. He has been with Newsday since 2014 and previously worked at The Press-Enterprise in Riverside, California.