Single File: Nurture yourself after a breakup

DEAR SUSAN: I am a 27-year-old woman who recently went through a very painful ending of a six-year relationship. I find myself suddenly single and completely confused about how to move on. I spoke with a therapist a few times, but she was more concerned about my starting to date than the fact that I've only been single for two months. I am trying to cultivate female friends; I realize I have none. After six years living in a world populated by only us two, I seem to have forgotten how to make friends or where to find them. I work 50 hours a week and am currently taking a very heavy course load in grad school, so I don't really have time for volunteer work. So I guess my first question is: Where do you meet people? I live in a very small town. In my classes, most people are either very young or much older and don't respond when I start conversations during breaks. My second question: I've started looking at men's profiles online, but how do you make the approach? What do you say in that first message? And third, am I completely hopeless? Thank you. I'm longing to hide till spring.

From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Hopeless? Far from it! You're clever enough to sense that dating isn't the way to go right now, that you need healing time and months of moseying around your life to acquaint yourself with your new world as a single woman, months of adjusting to life uncoupled and the flexibility that brings. This next phase of your life can be an education -- in this person you've discovered, the woman who has grown into an adult and wants to be your best friend.

This stage began with pain, but making the right choices could bring triumph. You need to learn about the person you are becoming and to trust your own judgment. That will take time, but the payoff is huge. Never again will you allow someone to be your savior and your whole world. In time, you will learn to be your own hero.

I suggest filling your life with choices you've delayed and, for a while, putting dating on the back burner. As much as possible, stay close to your family, people who care about you and your life; this is a time to nurture yourself and be with nurturing people. In time, you will learn to trust yourself and your instincts, those inner voices that are allies. A healthy relationship is open, a mutually nurturing partnership. Think about that while you mosey around your world. Stay open to your new world, and resist the impulse to hide. Far from hopeless, you should be hopeful.